Tarquin Hall - The Case of the Man Who Died Laughing

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Murder is no laughing matter.
Yet a prominent Indian scientist dies in a fit of giggles when a Hindu goddess appears from a mist and plunges a sword into his chest.
The only one laughing now is the main suspect, a powerful guru named Maharaj Swami, who seems to have done away with his most vocal critic.
Vish Puri, India’s Most Private Investigator, master of disguise and lover of all things fried and spicy, doesn’t believe the murder is a supernatural occurrence, and proving who really killed Dr. Suresh Jha will require all the detective’s earthly faculties. To get at the truth, he and his team of undercover operatives – Facecream, Tubelight, and Flush – travel from the slum where India’s hereditary magicians must be persuaded to reveal their secrets to the holy city of Haridwar on the Ganges.
How did the murder weapon miraculously crumble into ash? Will Maharaj Swami have the last laugh? And perhaps more important, why is Puri’s wife, Rumpi, chasing petty criminals with his Mummy-ji when she should be at home making his rotis?
Stopping only to indulge his ample Punjabi appetite, Puri uncovers a web of spirituality, science, and sin unique in the annals of crime.

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“That was purchased in the USA,” explained Rupin. “Nowadays such props and tricks are available by mail order. We often come across traveling ‘holy men’ using them. Recently we met a fakir who made coins float in the air. He was using a kit sold by an American magician called Kris Nevling.”

Another tape was inserted into the machine. A static shot of the spot where the illusion had been performed appeared – evidently the view from the camera mounted on the tree. There was no one in the frame – the Laughing Club members were yet to arrive. A couple of crows hopped around in the foreground. A pye-dog sauntered behind, stopped and yawned. Beyond, Rajpath was shrouded in mist. The time code read 05:43.

“Sir, the camera was disguised inside a bird box and attached to the side of the tree on a bracket,” explained Rupin. “We placed it there the night before. It sent a remote signal to the recorder. That in turn was inside Dr. Jha’s car at India Gate.”

At 05:55, Professor Pandey appeared, smiling as usual, along with Ved Karat. Mr. Gupta was next. Then Mr. Sharma. Last on the scene was Dr. Jha, who stood in profile to the left of the camera.

At 06:33 all the members apart from Sharma started to laugh uncontrollably at Pandey’s knock-knock joke.

The detective asked if laughing gas had been used.

“No, sir, Professor-ji used the power of suggestion. Over many months, he had conditioned the other members of the club to laugh whenever he laughed. One of the exercises he did was called Knock-Knock Laughter.”

“And when the fog appeared and both Professor Pandey and Dr. Jha said they couldn’t move their feet…”

“Same thing, sir. The suggestion made the others think they were rooted to the spot. It worked like post-hypnotic suggestion.”

“But on Mr. Sharma it had no effect.”

“It was his first time at the Laughing Club.”

“You were not expecting him?”

“No, sir.”

“Must be you got worried he would ruin everything, no?”

“Not really, sir. We attracted all the stray dogs and they surrounded the group and that kept everyone from running away. There was always a possibility some newcomer might turn up.”

“Actually, sir, we were expecting more members to come, maybe another four or five, but it turned out a lot of people were away or busy, so it was a low turnout,” added Peter.

The tape started again. The fog formed on the ground. There was a bright, blinding flash, the work of a customized fountain firework. Sharma fell back and dropped his glasses. And then Rupin, aka Kali, appeared, floating through the air.

It was no wonder the other members had been so convinced by the illusion, Puri thought to himself.

“When questioned by my good self, Professor Pandey denied magnetism was used,” the detective said after asking for the tape to be paused. “But yesterday, only, I probed the ground with my trusty Swiss Army knife and detected some metal hidden under the grass. Now tell me: How all the levitation was done?”

Puri’s question was met with silence and more anxious looks. Eventually it was Ms. Ruchi who answered.

“Sir, this is something we cannot reveal at the present time. The levitation was Professor Pandey’s department,” she insisted over Puri’s protests. “The invention he used was his own. The rights now belong to his sister. It will be up to her to decide whether to go public or not. You are welcome to her number if you like.”

She wrote it down for him as they watched the last few minutes of the tape – the climactic moment when the sword was ‘plunged’ into Dr. Jha; the second flash in which Kali disappeared; the pandemonium that followed.

“So while others were distracted, you slipped away,” he said to Rupin.

“Yes, sir,” answered the volunteer. “I was able to take off the arms, boots and costume in under one minute. Then we wheeled away the ice cream cart, using the tree trunk as cover. Naturally, my face was still black, but it did not attract any undue attention. I easily passed for a rag picker.”

“You took the bird box and camera, also?”

“That we retrieved later once the crowd had formed.”

“Ved Karat told me he felt Dr. Jha’s pulse but could not find one. How was it done?” he asked.

“Simple, sir.” It was Rupin speaking again. “Dr. Jha had a golf ball taped to his underarm. As he was playing dead, he squeezed it against his chest. The pressure slowed his pulse enough to be undetectable. It’s an old guru trick. They use it during yoga to prove they have reached an elevated state.”

Puri asked that the tape be rewound.

“Concerning the ice cream cart – you said two compartments were there. But you failed to tell what all was kept in the second.”

“It was a small petrol generator,” answered Ms. Ruchi, hesitating. “But – ”

“What all it was used for is a question for Professor Pan-dey’s sister, is it?” Yes, sir.

The detective nodded. “Why no one heard it? The generator, that is. Those things make quite a racket, no?”

“Two reasons, sir,” volunteered Rupin. “One, the ice cream cart was sound insulated. Two, we made all the dogs howl using a high-frequency emitter.”

“What is that exactly?”

“A dog whistle, sir. In some of the members it caused headaches.”

“And the crows? On the tape so many of them can be seen flying overhead.”

“I threw down some pieces of mutton on the ground,” answered Peter. “They attracted the dogs and the crows. Eventually they all got gobbled up.”

* * *

Puri watched the tape again. As he did so, nothing in his demeanor indicated that he had noticed something significant.

“Heartiest congratulations all round,” he said when he was finished. “There can be no doubt Dr. Jha was proud of each and every one of you. The operation was most remarkable in every respect. Ms. Ruchi, allow me to compliment your acting skills, also. Vish Puri is not easily fooled. But such a perfect performance you gave.”

“Sir, if it’s any consolation, Dr. Jha felt terrible about knocking you out. He mistook you for a burglar. And what is more, he was worried you would crack the case before long. He said there wasn’t anything you didn’t miss.”

Puri swelled with pride. “Most kind of you, Ms. Ruchi. And now I better be going.”

He made his way back through the reception, but stopped short of the front door.

“Actually one final thing is there,” he said, turning around. “Concerning Professor Pandey. Why he stayed at Maharaj Swami’s ashram last month?”

“How could you possibly know that, sir?” asked Ms. Ruchi.

“I, too, have secrets, no,” replied the detective. “Fact is it has come to my attention Professor Pandey made one donation for fifty thousand bucks.”

“Yes, sir, he has been to the ashram on several occasions, posing as a devotee of Maharaj Swami. He made the donation in order to attend a private seance.”

“Why exactly?”

“Sir, Godmen, like magicians, are constantly coming up with new tricks for their acts. We have to keep abreast of the latest ones. Now and again, Professor Pandey visited ashrams and temples on our behalf in his capacity as an engineer to try to figure out how certain illusions and miracles were being performed. Then we would publish his findings and expose the truth. In this case, he went to see how Maharaj Swami was conjuring the spirit with which he claims to be able to commune.”

“He got it figured out, is it?”

“I believe it was the professor’s conclusion that the God-man was using mirrors reflected off one another. But he had not yet written up his findings.”

The detective gave a satisfied smile.

“Ms. Ruchi, once the case is getting over, I will introduce you to a certain individual who will explain precisely and exactly how it is done,” he promised.

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