Donald Westlake - The New Black Mask ( No 3 )

“В-but the doorknob turned! It’s still turning.”

“I know. I imagine every other doorknob in the place is doing the same thing. As I understand it, the house undergoes a kind of winding-up during the settling process. Then when the tension is relieved, there’s a general relaxing or unwinding, and you see such things as doors flying open or their knobs turning.”

Kay said, Whew , brushing imaginary perspiration from her brow.

“It scared me to death, Britt! Really!”

“No, it didn’t, Kay,” I said. “Really!”

“Well, I sure wouldn’t want to be alone when it happened. You see the knob turn, and — How do you know someone’s not there?”

“Very simply,” I said. “If someone’s there, he just opens the door and comes in.”

The door opened, and Sergeant Claggett came in.

He stood frozen in his tracks for a moment, blinking at us incredulously. Then he said, “Excuse me!” retreating across the threshold with a hasty back-step.

“Excuse me for not getting up,” I said.

“I want to see you downstairs, Britt!” He spoke with his head turned. “Immediately, understand?”

“Of course,” I said. “Just as soon as I get something in — on.”

“And you, too.” He addressed Kay without looking at her. “I want to see you, too, Officer Nolton!”

I suppose I should have seen the truth from the start. Almost any fool would have, I am sure, so that should have qualified me for seeing it I hadn’t because I am a plain, garden variety of fool, not the devious kind. I am a worshipper at the shrine of laissez faire , a devotee of the status quo. I accept things as they are, for what they are, without proof or documentation. I ask no more than a quid pro quo. And failing to get a fair exchange, I will normally accept the less that is offered. In a word, I am about as undevious as one can be. And having no talent nor liking for deception, I am easily deceived. As per the present instance.

Claggett wanted me to have round-the-clock protection. Which is not easily managed by a mere detective sergeant in an undermanned, tightly budgeted police department. He didn’t want me to know that I had such protection, believing that I would inadvertently reveal it where it was best not revealed. So the cop he planted on me was also a nurse, someone whose presence in the house would be taken for granted. And since she was a nurse, he could have her wages paid by PXA’s insurers, thus quieting any objections from the PD.

Naive as I was, I would still ask myself why a nurse would take such a potentially dangerous job. Claggett had provided the answer by making it appear that there was something wrong with her, or that there could be something wrong with her. That not only satisfied my curiosity as to why she was taking the job, but it would also — he hoped — make me wary of her. I would shy away from any personal involvement with her, and she would not be distracted from her duties as a cop.

Well, the deception had worked fine, up to a point. A cop had been planted on me, and I had no idea that she was a cop. Doubts about her good intentions had been planted in my mind, and I did my damnedest to hold her in distance. Why then had I wound up in bed with her? How could she have been so outrageously derelict in her duty?

Claggett swore savagely that it was too damned much for him.

I said, somewhat uncomfortably, that he seemed to be making too much of a much over the matter. “After all, it’s Friday afternoon, Jeff. Everyone relaxes and lets down a bit on Friday afternoon.”

“Everyone doesn’t have a nut after him,” snapped Claggett. “A screwed-up broad who’s been snatching his scalp by bits and pieces, and just may decide she wants his life along with it!”

“Now, Jeff,” I said. “I’m practically convinced that Manny—”

“Shut up,” Claggett said, and turned coldly to Kay. “I don’t believe you were wearing a gun when I arrived today. What do regulations say about that?”

“I’m sorry, sir. I—”

“You’re a disgrace!” said Claggett, cutting me off again before I was able to say anything effective. “I found the door unlocked, and standing wide open! And you naked and unarmed with the man you were supposedly protecting!”

“Y-yes, sir. I’m thoroughly ashamed, sir, and I swear it won’t happen again!”

“No, it won’t. You’re suspended from duty, as of this moment, and you’ll be up before the disciplinary board just as soon as I can arrange it!”

Kay wasn’t blushing anymore. She was apparently fresh out of blushes, and she was very pale as she got to her feet. “Whatever you say, Sergeant. I’ll start getting my things together.”

Claggett brought her back to her chair with a roar. “You, Officer Nolton, will remain in this room until you are told to do otherwise. As for you, Britt” — he gave me a look of weary distaste — “I’ve been trying to help you, and I’ve gone to considerable lengths to do it. Much further than I should have, in fact. Do you think this was the right way to repay me?”

“Of course I don’t, since you obviously consider it wrong, and it’s caused problems for Miss Nolton. I myself don’t feel that it was wrong per se but there’s a variable factor involved. I mean, something is good only so long as it doesn’t make others unhappy.”

“Hmmm,” he said, his blue eyes brooding. “Well! I do feel that you’ve let me down, but that doesn’t excuse Officer Nolton. If—”

“It should. Let’s face it, Jeff,” I said. “I’m quite a bit older than Miss Nolton — also a lot more experienced. And I’m afraid I was persistent with her to a shameful degree. Please don’t blame her, Jeff. It really was all my fault.”

Claggett’s brows went up.

He grimaced, lips pursed, then turned an enigmatic gaze on Kay. “How about it, Nolton? Is that the way it was?”

“Well, I am much younger than—” She broke off, sat very erect and dignified. “I wouldn’t care to say, sir!”

Claggett ran a hand over his mouth. He looked at Kay a moment or two longer, apparently seeing something in her of great interest, then faced back around to me. “You started to say something about Miss Aloe. Anything important?”

“I think so. She was out here to the house today, and she apologized for what she’d done. Implied that she hadn’t been rational or responsible for her actions.”

“And?”

“She promised not to make any more trouble — got pretty emotional about it. I’m convinced that she meant it, Jeff.”

“Well, I’m not ,” said Kay; and here came that pretty blush again. “I’m sorry, Sergeant. I didn’t mean to butt in, but I’ve observed Miss Aloe very carefully and I thought you’d want my opinion as a police officer.”

“I do,” said Claggett. “In detail, please.”

“She’s just a snippy, snotty little dip, that’s what!”

Claggett’s interest in her seemed to increase tremendously. He would shift his fascinated gaze away from her; then, as though against his will, it would slowly move back and fasten on her again. Meanwhile, he was saying that he had undergone a complete change of mind, and that she should by all means remain on her present duty.

“Oh, thank you, Sergeant!” She smiled on him brilliantly. “I know you were kind of disappointed about… but it won’t happen again, sir!”

“Ah, well,” said Claggett easily. “A pretty young girl and a handsome, sophisticated older man — how could I blame you for succumbing? And what’s to blame, anyway? Just don’t forget you’ve got business here, too.”

“Yes, sir! I won’t get caught with my — I’ll remember, sir!”