Джанет Иванович - Fortune and Glory

“This is it,” I said to Ranger.

He idled alongside the truck and read the writing that was almost hidden behind graffiti.

“Chicken Nuts and Bull Balls?”

“His specialty,” I said.

Ranger parked, and we went to Arnold’s door and rang the bell.

The door was wrenched open, and Arnold glared out at us. “What?”

I showed Arnold my fake badge. “Bond enforcement.”

Arnold stood half a head taller than Ranger, had him outweighed by about a hundred pounds, and was holding an eight-inch chef’s knife. He was wearing a sleeveless gray T-shirt and gray sweatpants, and he looked like Sasquatch on a bad hair day.

“Get lost,” Arnold said. “Go away or I’ll gut you like a fish.”

Ranger told Arnold to put the knife down, Arnold lunged at Ranger, and Ranger stepped aside and tagged Arnold with a stun gun. Arnold dropped the knife and looked a little confused, but he didn’t go down.

“Your turn,” Ranger said to me. “Go for it.”

I didn’t have any weapons, so I kicked Arnold in the knee.

“Ow,” Arnold said. “Now I’m going to have to kill you.”

Ranger stomped on Arnold’s sneakered foot, and when Arnold looked down, Ranger sucker-punched him with an uppercut that snapped his head back. Arnold shook his head to clear the cobwebs, and Ranger cuffed him.

“Nice move with the foot stomp and uppercut,” I said to Ranger.

“Classic Three Stooges,” Ranger said. “I learn from the best of them.”

Ranger tugged Arnold toward the door, and Arnold sat down on the floor.

“I’m not going,” Arnold said. “You can’t make me.”

Ranger raised the charge on his stun gun, pressed it against Arnold’s neck, and Arnold flopped onto his back.

“You reached a couple neurons on that one,” I said to Ranger.

“I gave him enough volts to take down an elephant. Grab a foot.”

We dragged Arnold out of the house and wrangled him into the rear cargo space of the fleet SUV, then Ranger secured Arnold’s ankles with shackles that were bolted to the floor.

By the time we got to the police station Arnold was on a rant, thrashing around as best he could, moaning and yelling obscenities. Ranger didn’t seem to notice. I had the beginnings of a headache.

Half an hour later, Ranger and I were back in the SUV, and I had my body receipt tucked into my bag.

“Now what?” Ranger asked.

“Home. This has been a long day. Long enough to feel like it’s been four or five days.”

The sun was low in the sky when Ranger drove into my building’s parking lot. He paused at the back of the lot and looked at the cars already parked.

“You know most of the tenants here,” he said. “Does anyone drive a black Escalade?”

“No.”

“There’s an Escalade a couple rows in front of us. It looks like there are two men in it. One might be texting.”

“And you think they’re waiting for me?”

“I think they’re waiting for someone . There are several options. I can go up to them and ask if they’re waiting for you. I can walk you to your door and deal with them on my way out. Or you can come home with me.”

“I’m going to pass on all those options, and have you drop me at my parents’ house. I can’t keep destroying your cars and having you do my job for me. And as much as I love sleeping with you, I can’t keep doing that, either. Your life path is clear to you. I need to find some clarity about mine.”

“Understood,” Ranger said, “but I’m going to keep you under GPS surveillance. You’re a walking disaster, and you’re my only source of fun.”

“Understood,” I said.

I called Potts and asked if he was in front of my door.

“Yes,” he said. “Are you coming home soon?”

“I’m not staying in my apartment tonight. How did you get there?”

“The Rangeman guy dropped me off.”

“Come out the front door and I’ll give you a ride home,” I said. “Do not go out the back door that goes to the parking lot.”

My father was in his favorite chair in front of the television, sleeping off dinner. I found my mom and Grandma tidying up the kitchen.

“Look who’s here!” my mom said. “We just finished dinner, but there’s lots of leftovers.”

I dropped my messenger bag on the floor by the kitchen table. “Leftovers sound wonderful. Don’t fuss. I can help myself.”

“It’s no fuss,” she said. “We had pot roast and mashed potatoes, and everything is still warm. I’ll just heat up the gravy.”

I fixed a plate for myself and took it to the table. “I thought I would stay here tonight, if that’s okay,” I said. “The pest control guy sprayed my apartment building today and it smells like insecticide.”

Better to fib than to tell my mom about the two hit men waiting to kidnap me.

My mother brought the hot gravy, and I poured it over everything.

“When you were a little girl you used to pour gravy on your dessert,” Grandma said. “Cupcakes, ice cream, apple pie.”

“I was a strange child,” I said.

“I liked to think of you as uniquely creative,” Grandma said. “For a while there, you were convinced you could fly. And you always wanted to be a superhero. If we couldn’t find a bath towel, we knew you were probably wearing it as a cape.”

“And here I am today,” I said. “Normal, boring Stephanie.”

“For goodness’ sakes, Stephanie, you’re a bounty hunter. You track down killers and other horrible people. That’s not normal. Normal daughters work in banks and button factories. They get married. They have children. They don’t destroy cars once a week. They don’t get their apartments and their parents’ house firebombed. They don’t go on crazy treasure hunts. They go on vacations down the shore.”

“She’s right,” Grandma said to me. “You aren’t normal.”

Another piece has been fitted into the puzzle. I’m not normal.

“On the subject of the treasure hunt, have you thought any more about the clues?” I asked Grandma.

“ ACE it , 50 , Philadelphia , pink . And clues number five and six are missing,” Grandma said. “I think about them all the time and I can’t come up with anything. I’ve looked at maps of Philadelphia and I can’t figure it out. I’m not sure the last two clues would even help.”

I had the same thought, but I wasn’t going to say it out loud. And I was worried about the last clue. This was Jimmy’s clue, and we didn’t have much hope of finding it. If Benny was right and Jimmy’s clue was the safe combination, that was a game changer. Either we abandoned the treasure or else a safe specialist was going to risk their life trying to open the safe.

I finished eating and I took my place on the couch. Grandma sat beside me with a glass of sherry. My mother sat beside Grandma and worked on her Jack Daniel’s big gulp. My father woke up and clicked the television on to a rerun of Jeopardy! We watched a couple of game shows, an hour of the shopping network, and we all went to bed.

There are three small bedrooms and a communal bathroom upstairs. Grandma has taken over my sister Valerie’s room, but my room is still untouched. It’s precisely as I left it when I graduated from college and moved out of the house. T-shirts from high school and college are still in my bureau drawers. Some underwear. Some socks. A couple of pairs of jeans. Clothes I didn’t want at the time and still don’t want. The bed was made, and the room was spotlessly clean. My mom and Grandma couldn’t have it any other way.

I found pajamas with red hearts and was about to get ready for bed when Grandma came in and closed the door behind her.

“I think I might have figured something out,” she said. “I didn’t want to tell you in front of your mother. She’s all in a dither about this treasure hunt. And she probably would think I’m being silly and jumping to conclusions.”