Christine Feehan - Dark Celebration 17

«I started showing signs of psychic ability very early. I could sense dangerous things, especially if I was upset,» Colby confessed in a little rush. «Mom admitted to me that my father was 'different.' That's all she said at first. But then later, when I was about thirteen, she told me she was 'different' too. And that we had to be very careful. We could never let anyone see the things we could do and that I always had to watch you, Paul, to make certain that you didn't behave irresponsibly.»

«What does that mean?» Paul demanded with a small frown.

Colby took a deep breath. «It means we carry jaguar blood. Our family, hundreds of years ago, were shapeshifters. The men didn't stay with the women and eventually the species began to die out. There are very few who can actually shift into their cat form now, but many people carry the genetics. Some of the men still able to shift have been hunting for women to keep the line as pure as possible. They aren't very nice men.»

«And Mom thought I might be one of these guys?» Paul was clearly offended. «I respect women. I'm always respectful.»

«I didn't mean it like that. I'm not saying this very well. Mom wasn't married to my father when she had me. Your father's family didn't want anything to do with her-or me– because of that.» She broke off abruptly.

Rafael took over. «Colby has never felt accepted in any world, Paul, and she didn't want that for you. Neither did your mother. Your mother hid her differences, and Colby did the same.» He gestured around him. «Here, being atypical is normal.»

«Do you really think anyone feels normal?» Paul asked. «I didn't know all this-that I have jaguar blood-although that could be cool especially now, but look at Josef. He's a Carpathian, can shapeshift and do all sorts of neat things. He's brilliant. You should see the things he can do on a computer, and he's a math whiz. He just is kind of nerdy around people. He doesn't feel good about himself at all. He knows the adults don't like him and he feels uncomfortable around all of us teenagers. Skyler is beautiful, but she's uncomfortable too. Ginny and I are the only 'normal' ones and we should be the outsiders.»

«Sometimes you're brilliant, Paul,» Colby exclaimed.

«I think it doesn't matter much about what we are or where we came from, Colby,» Paul replied. «I think we all feel uncomfortable when we're young.»

«I didn't,» Rafael said.

Colby smacked his chest. «You're so arrogant.»

«I don't think he was actually ever young,» Paul said. «I'm not even sure anyone gave birth to him. They found him under a rock.»

Rafael caught Paul around the neck and pretended to strangle him. Colby watched the two of them laughing together and found the tension ebbing away.

You did a great job raising this boy, Rafael told her.

She nodded. He's wonderful.

«So do you think most of the psychics are descendents of shapeshifters?» Paul asked. «I could do some research on that. I'll bet Josef would help me.»

Rafael shrugged. «It is possible-even probable-but any time you do research, you leave a trail for someone else to follow. We are most careful of tracks leading to the discovery of our species. And you're making me feel guilty over this Josef boy.»

Paul flashed a grin at his brother-in-law. «Don't worry, he didn't notice you were sharpening your knife for his benefit. I told you, in social situations he doesn't have a clue.» He burst out laughing when Rafael looked disappointed. «I noticed, and so did Skyler and Josh. We all thought it was very scary.»

«You don't sound convincing,» Rafael grumbled.

Colby laughed softly. «You should be happy you didn't scare the boy.»

«I want to meet him,» Paul said abruptly, as if he'd just managed to screw up his courage. «If Gary Jansen is my uncle, I want to meet him.»

«We don't know that he is. Lots of people have the same last name,» Colby pointed out, the smile fading from her face. Instinctively, she moved closer to Rafael, her body brushing up against his.

«But it's likely, Colby. This is a small community of people. He's part of it. Quite a few of the women here seem to have jaguar blood. Maybe he does too and that's what drew him in the first place.»

Rafael rubbed her arm in a comforting gesture. «Maybe. All right. Give me a little time to finish things here first,» Colby said.

Suddenly, her kitchen was too small. She needed the open range and a good horse to ride. Her mother had always feared jaguar blood, feared producing a male child. Jaguar males weren't always the nicest of men, and Colby didn't want Paul exposed to any more danger-or rejection. And she certainly didn't want anyone influencing him in the wrong direction. Raising children was definitely not easy.

Paul leaned over to kiss her cheek, then sauntered out of the room, calling for Josef and Ginny.

«You can't protect him forever,» Rafael said gently. He wrapped his arms around her, nuzzling the top of her head with his chin.

«You say that, but you try to protect me-and Ginny. I just don't want him hurt anymore. I see it in his eyes sometimes. He wouldn't let you or Nicolas take his memories, and he remembers how the vampire took him over and used him to try to kill me. I know he still has nightmares about it. I just want him to be happy, Rafael. He's such a great kid.»

He tipped her face up to his. «He is a great kid and he's going to be fine. We'll look after him together.»

Her gaze slid away from his. «I couldn't bear to tell him the truth about me, about Razvan. I thought this would be such a good idea, coming here, meeting everyone, but now, I'm not so sure. Someone is bound to tell him who my birth father was.»

«Do you think your brother would care about that?» Rafael scowled at her. «Paul loves you for who you are, not who your father was.»

«You don't understand. He's asking about his past for a reason, and once he starts delving into it, he'll find out about me. I couldn't take it if he rejected me too. And how could I ever blame him? He's had so much to contend with because of me. If Mom hadn't had me, Paul and Ginny would have been accepted by the Chevez family and raised on the ranch in South America. He would never have been exposed to a vampire. Now he knows about the jaguar blood and once he finds out it isn't always so cool, he won't be happy about that

either. And someone is going to tell him about Razvan.» She shuddered, looked around and lowered her voice when she said the name. «I can hardly face any of these people, let alone have Paul and Ginny find out that such a terrible man is my father.»

Rafael's hand came up to burrow his fingers in her hair. «You are his victim just as his sister was. Do not be ashamed of who your father was. You bear the mark of the Dragonseeker, and that is an unbelievable boon. The Dragonseeker clan is one of the most revered of all Carpathian lineages and it is your line. I hope that each of our children bears that mark. You should be proud of it, not ashamed.»

«My father came from the same lineage and he tried to assassinate the prince,"' she pointed out. «He betrayed Natalya, his twin sister. He has children-like me-scattered across the world, and he intended to use us like blood banks. I have family I've never met, all victims of this man. His blood runs in my veins. Do you really think I want Paul-or anyone else-to know I'm related to him?»

Rafael gathered her closer to him. «I know you're related to him. Carpathian males perhaps have more understanding than most for those who become wholly evil. It is a path we all go down, and some touch a little closer than others. Before you came into my life, Colby, I could not always tell the difference between good and evil.»

«Razvan nearly killed the prince,» she repeated. «He took blood from little girls. It was why he got my mother pregnant in the first place-in order to use my blood to sustain his life.»