Christine feehan - Dark Slayer 20

He was certain he was hallucinating. Xavier would never allow him to sink into the rich soil to be rejuvenated. There was only pain and suffering. An endless life of it. He couldn't let go. He forced his will to obedience. No matter how much his heart stuttered or his lungs fought to draw breath, no matter the pain, he couldn't let go. He had promised-her.

He remembered her, although she might have been a dream, another hallucination. He considered that when he could get his mind to work through the waves of pain. He doubted he could have conjured her up even in his wildest imagination. He tried to picture her, but he found he couldn't think, so he just lay listening, trying to hear her voice again.

Far off he could hear a chant, spoken in the ancient language, voices raised, both male and female. It was impossible to sort through them to find one single voice, and he was certain she wasn't chanting with them. He felt her, not surrounding him, but merged with him, sharing his body. He didn't like the idea. If he felt so much pain, was she sharing that as well? He didn't know the answer.

Again his mind drifted, as if, because he couldn't do anything to prevent her from feeling the terrible pain, he didn't want to know if she was with him. He had spent too many years causing those he loved distress and he refused to think he was doing the same to her.

No, my love. I am with you by choice. I asked to be bound to you. I share your body willingly. Hear me, Dragonseeker, you must hold tight to me. Never let me go.

If he could have smiled, he would have. Where was he going to go? He couldn't move. He could only lie there, believing himself insane. The only consolation was her voice. He tried to remember if he'd dreamt it up when he was young.

After a while-and it could have been nights, or weeks, or even months-he became aware of a heartbeat. The sound was unusual, deep, echoing through his surroundings, so that it vibrated through his body, every muscle and organ, torn sinew and bone. Each beat shook him, yet soothed him. Each beat brought a twisting pain, but at the same time was strangely comforting.

After a long, indeterminate passage of time, he found he listened for that sound, enjoying the echo of it through his battered body. Now came a stirring of interest in his dark world. What are you?

I am Mother Earth, my son. You have become a part of me. My daughter begged me to accept you, to heal you. You are hearing the heartbeat of the earth moving through your body, making you one with me, with all of nature.

Now he knew he was insane. He was having a conversation with the earth. It was strange that it didn't bother him that he'd lost his mind. The pain was no less, but he had grown used to it, and he found the darkness and warmth a peaceful, restful place. He drifted further out on the sea of pain, letting it carry him as he had done so many times in the past.

His mind turned to his woman. Ivory. His lifemate. She was so beautiful she took his breath away. He knew if he'd met her a few hundred years earlier, their lives would have been so different. He had never dared to dream of her-never wanted Xavier to know for a moment that somewhere in the past or the future, there was a woman who held the other half of his soul. It was such an intimate gift, the sharing of souls, and he would never taint that bond with Xavier's evil.

Had he not died and been buried to suffer in this place, he would have taken her to his secret garden, the one place he remembered from his childhood where life had been good and filled with joy. He had played there with his beloved sister, Natalya. They had laughed together so often, running free through the fields of flowers and skimming stones over the placid waters of the lake. He would have brought Ivory there to share his one fond memory.

He felt the brush of fingers against his palm. Warm breath on his face. Take me there, beloved. Show me this place you dream of.

He had not expected that his desire for her was so strong that he could conjure her up. He skimmed his hand down her face, shaping the angles, tracing the pad of his thumb over her soft skin. I would take you there for our first courtship. It is part of me, the best part of me. Long before Xavier took my soul.

He no longer has your soul. You gave it to me, remember?

Razvan searched his memory. He remembered her face. So beautiful to him that when he closed his eyes she was still there. Her body, covered in those thin white lines, badges of courage, a living embodiment of the strength of will she possessed. He wanted to kiss every line, follow the map of them over her body until he knew each white jagged line intimately. Her skin, soft beyond all imagining, called out for him to simply touch her, to feel how extraordinary she truly was. He loved the way she moved. Just watching her, the sway of her hips and her purposeful stride, brought him a simple joy he'd never thought to feel. The way her face softened when she knelt to greet her wolf pack made him wonder how she would look when she held their child to her breast.

Dragonseeker. She called his wandering mind back to her. Do you remember giving me your soul?

Yes. To save me, Ivory. I have sinned lifetimes and cannot save myself, but I have touched you inside where no one else sees you, and you can do it. Put me on your wall with your brothers and carry my soul into the next life.

You are already safe, fel ku kuuluaak sivam belso-beloved.

Her voice poured over him like warm honey, and he lay quietly, listening to the beat of the earth's heart and feeling every wound throb and burn in tune to the steady symphony. He thought about her words. Fel ku kuuluaak sivam belso-beloved. He wished he was truly her beloved.

I would have walked through the garden with you. I have always wanted to grow my own flowers. I know exactly what they would have looked like and I would have named them for you. Ivory. Han ku vigyaz sielamet-keeper of my soul.

Show them to me, she entreated him.

Again he swore he felt those fingers moving against his palm, tangling with his own. He closed his hand tight to capture the feeling of closeness. He could drift along in the dream, or hallucination. Maybe he was on the other side, in a better place-although he could do without the agony rushing in waves over his body. He shoved the pain aside, settling deeper into the arms of Mother Earth and letting himself imagine the things he would show Ivory.

She looked carefree, with her long hair cascading down past her hips, a waterfall of silk that moved against his arm as they walked side by side. He liked that she was tall. He could see the length of her lashes, curling at the tips, two thick crescents that veiled her enormous eyes. He was thinking of leaning over and licking along the jagged seam of white that joined two pieces of her shoulder. Temptation was the way her skin was mapped into quadrants for him to explore.

I do not look like that. Embarrassment edged her voice.

Like what? He was puzzled that his dream woman could be embarrassed over his perusal. He could look at her forever-want to taste every square inch of her. He had a need to memorize every detail with the sensitive pads of his fingers, with his mouth and tongue, so he would forever remember the taste and feel of her.

As if these scars are sexy.

She ducked her head as she walked beside him down the narrow ribbon of stones that was the path winding through his garden. The long fall of hair hid her expression from him.

He stepped in front of her, effectively halting her, catching her chin in his fingers and lifting her face so he could hold her gaze captive with his. Everything about you is incredibly sexy, especially the way you fight. You take my breath away. The pad of his thumb rubbed over her full bottom lip. Sometimes I spend far too much time thinking about each of those lines on your body and wondering where they lead. What pleasures they can take me to-take us both to.