Christine feehan - Dark Slayer 20

He had never thought he would be standing among Carpathians and not have to fight his way out. A part of him didn't trust their acceptance of him.

As if reading his mind, Gregori shook his head. «I do not altogether trust that you pose no threat to Carpathians, but I am willing to find out.»

Razvan felt the challenge of those words. Gregori was willing to put himself in jeopardy in order to protect the Carpathian people and perhaps to aid Razvan. Did Razvan have the courage to allow him to enter his body to see for himself what Xavier had done? Guilt lay heavy in his mind.

His memories of earlier had faded behind the barriers he'd erected for sanity's sake, and he was no longer certain what he had or hadn't done. There were weeks, months, perhaps even years he no longer remembered, and he was afraid to examine what had happened. Xavier had slowly, successfully beat him down until he could no longer fight the mage.

If he allowed Gregori to enter his body and examine him, Gregori would know every humiliating and degrading moment of his life.

I will enter with the healer. I can protect your memories if anything were to be incriminating. Otherwise, whatever he finds is on Xavier, not you.

His heart turned over. She so clearly aligned herself with him, but why? They were meant to be lifemates, it was true, but they didn't know each other, and he was the most notorious criminal the Carpathians had.

I have been inside your head many times these past three weeks. I am an outsider as well. And I believe absolutely that you are the key to destroying Xavier.

That was a reason he could understand. He wasn't certain it was true, that he was the key to destroying Xavier, but he knew her purpose was absolutely unswerving. What did he have to lose? Their respect? He could care less. That had gone centuries ago. He was more than willing to face the dawn. But he didn't want her to see, to know, to live through the things he had seen and done, whether he was a party to them or not.

He knew the faces of every woman Xavier had violated with his body. The alluring lies, the sweet, deceptive promises, impregnating an innocent woman in order to take the child she conceived with him for the blood. Always the blood. He didn't remember their names, but he remembered the tears when they knew the truth. He remembered the sense of betrayal and the taunting laughter of the mage.

There had been so many killed over the centuries: mages, humans, one or two Carpathians who had been deceived and murdered by his hand. He remembered every face, every expression. They haunted him every moment he was awake. He had been dishonored so many times he couldn't remember any other way of life.

This was his moment-he could take up the burden of helping his lifemate hunt and destroy the world's greatest enemy, or he could give up and walk into the sun, telling himself he was protecting everyone. By helping, he would be exposing the sins of his past to both Ivory and the healer. There would be nowhere to hide from himself and the crimes his body had been used to commit. He would have to face them every day of his existence. And he risked falling back into Xavier's hands. He looked around him at the circle of faces. There was no impatience, no restless movements. They simply waited for a decision.

If I am tainted beyond the ability to be saved from Xavier, give me your word that you will slay me, lifemate. I want only you to see that damning evidence.

Ivory caught her breath at the enormity of what he asked of her, drawing the attention of the dark one. She kept her gaze locked with Razvan. To kill her own lifemate . . .

I ask that you carve me on your wall, that I can remain safe in your soul. Do me that service, although I may be unworthy. If you keep me safe, I will have a chance in the next life.

Ivory's fingers crept into Raja's thick fur and clutched there. Her throat closed and for a moment her eyes burned. She held his gaze, refusing to look away from his courage. It will be my honor.

Razvan continued to look at her, soaking her into his mind, drawing her into his lungs, feeling her courage and strength, pride in her welling up until he nearly burst with it. He took her courage for his own and, still looking at Ivory, nodded his head to the healer.

«I ask that you follow my lifemate's lead,» Razvan said. «If she wants you to leave, give us your word that you will do so and all of you will leave us immediately.»

Gregori exchanged a long look with the prince. He means to commit suicide or have his lifemate slay him.

You cannot save the world, Gregori, Mikhail sent back, his voice weary. You can only do your best. If you can help him, do so; otherwise we leave them to their fate. It is their wish and any Carpathian, male or female, has the right to choose death over dishonor.

«So be it,» Gregori said aloud to Razvan. «Mikhail and Falcon will guard our bodies while we try this.» He looked at Ivory. «Are you strong enough? If Xavier attacks him while you are in his mind, can you fend the mage off?»

Her lashes raised and she met the dark one's gaze with eyes of steel. Warrior's eyes. Calm. Cool. Remote. «Worry about yourself, healer.»

Gregori inclined his head, a brief smile somewhere between amusement and respect touching his mouth. He gestured for Razvan to sit in the snow between them. As Razvan settled down, a little tense from being in such a vulnerable position, five of the six wolves made a circle around them, with Farkas lying beside Ivory, his head in her lap. Ivory laid one hand in his fur and the other on the hilt of her knife.

Mikhail, Falcon, Sara and Gary took up positions around them to better protect the circle.

Ivory closed her eyes to send herself seeking outside her body. Razvan stopped her with a gentle hand to her arm. Her lashes lifted and she met his gaze.

I just need to see you looking at me one more time. Just like this. No condemnation. No disgust. No fear. You look at me as if I am a person to you.

She lifted her chin. You are much more than a person to me, Razvan. She deliberately used his name. You are my lifemate. In this world, the next, or both.

The caressing note in her voice flooded him with warmth. A slow smile curved his mouth. It felt rusty, like his lips might crack and his jaw might break, but inside where no one could see, he held that first smile close.

«Ready?» she asked.

«Just be careful. Both of you,» Razvan cautioned.

Ivory shed her body and entered her lifemate. Gregori's light burned hot and bright, almost luminescent, the mark, she knew, of a strong healer. He allowed her to take the lead, although she sensed his reluctance. There were scars inside the body, a multitude of them, and signs of torture beyond endurance, yet Razvan had endured.

She moved to his brain. Before she allowed Gregori to delve too deep, she intended to keep her promise to Razvan. She alone would know if he had cause for the guilt that weighed so heavily on his shoulders. She alone would know whether he was truly the criminal he had been branded as for so long.

It had been difficult to maintain her objectivity when she'd encountered the scars that reminded her of her own, but his memories were a virtual minefield. Xavier's experiments and tortures were unthinkable, the things he'd forced Razvan to endure, to watch, to participate in. It was a wonder that he was sane. She moved through his brain, soaking in his memories until she felt saturated and ill. Yes, his body had been used time and again to commit crimes, but his spirit, the essence of who Razvan was, had not been present.

She moved aside and allowed the healer entrance. They moved through his brain, searching carefully for evidence of Xavier. While they worked, they had to share Razvan's burden of memories, of a life of pain and suffering, of mental anguish. Yet he had fought back, holding on to sanity, sometimes by a thin thread, by the toughness and honor that was inherently Dragonseeker. Her heart wept for that lonely warrior, and she felt Gregori, strong and disciplined, weep with her as he moved through Razvan's memories, seeking to find anything that might be Xavier's fingerprints-a way for Xavier to enter at will.