Dare, Lydia - Tall, Dark and Wolfish

"This is about us. You. Me. Our family," he called after her. "I was a fool, Elspeth. Do you want me to yell it through the streets of Edinburgh? If it will make you believe me, I'll do so." He followed her to the other side of the room and dropped into a chair across from her.

"Ben, ye doona have ta do all this."

His jaw stiffened. "I'm doing this because I love you. I've never met a more stubborn woman, lass. Maybe I'm going about this the wrong way." He leaned forward in his seat, so close his knees were almost touching hers. "Do you still love

me

, Ellie? Or have I destroyed that, too?"

It hurt to look at him, the emotion on his face, so Elspeth stared at her own hands. "Benjamin, I'll never stop lovin' ye. No matter where ye go or who ye're with."

"There's only you."

She lifted her gaze to him. He seemed so sincere, so concerned. Yet she hated to get her hopes up. Her heart couldn't take being broken again. "What changed?"

"Nothing," he said quietly. "I always loved you, Ellie. I just didn't want to. I didn't want to admit it."

"Why?"

He leaned back in his seat and raked a hand through his hair. "I didn't want to hurt you, and I didn't trust myself not to do so. I cannot control the beast within me. Not when it's close to the full moon. I thought if I kept a bit of distance between us, I could keep you safe."

His anguish was apparent and Elspeth's heart ached for him. She could never watch anyone in pain without feeling it herself, but that was especially true with Ben. "I'm safe with ye."

He scoffed and raised his eyes heavenward. "I don't know if you are or not, Ellie. I hurt you once, and I hurt the girl in Brighton. But I can't live without you, I've learned that much. So I'll just have to be diligent. More careful."

Elspeth swiped at the tears that began to trail down her cheeks. "You willna hurt me."

When he heard her voice tremble, Ben lowered his head to look at her. Then he reached his hand out to her. Elspeth moved to his side and he pulled her to his lap. "Oh, love. I've needed you."

"I need ye, too." She allowed herself to nuzzle against him, feeling the first bit of contentment she'd felt in weeks. He still didn't trust himself, but it was a start.

Ben traced a circle on her belly. "You were going to tell me, weren't you?"

"Of course. But I could kill Cait for tellin' ye first."

Ben shook his head, his hazel eyes boring into her.

"She didn't tell me anything, Ellie. The major figured it out last night in the taproom."

Elspeth blinked at him. She'd been certain he knew. "Oh. Well, what do ye think about it?" she asked, afraid of his answer.

His smile warmed her from the inside out. "I do wish the little fellow had waited a bit. I'd like to have you all to myself for a while, but I couldn't be happier, Ellie. And I want this one to be the first of many. I want us to build that sprawling house and fill every room with children."

Elspeth rested her head against his shoulder and sighed. "I suppose ye'll make me hire maids and footmen and a cook and—"

"You can do whatever you want, love. Whatever will make you happy."

"Ye make me happy." She slid her hand inside his waistcoat.

Ben groaned as though in agony. "Unfortunately, the full moon is approaching. It's only a few days away. So I can't be close with you right now." He cupped her chin in his hands and kissed her softly. "Though I want nothing more than to be with you in every way possible."

Elspeth shifted in his lap and felt him hard against her thigh.

"Don't look at me like that, Ellie," he growled as he set her away from him. "I am not sure I can trust myself."

"I'm no' made of glass, Ben. I willna break," she reminded him.

"I won't take that chance, love." He lifted her off his lap and to her feet, where he drew her close to him as his hands skimmed over her body. Finally he groaned and gently pushed away from her. "I'll see you in a few days."

"Must we wait that long? Will we have ta separate when the moon is full for the rest of our lives?"

"If that's what it takes to keep you safe, then that's what we'll do." He kissed her once more, his lips touching her cheeks, her eyelids, and finally her forehead, where he lingered. Then he turned and walked out the door.

Ben had been craving Elspeth for days. Forcing himself to separate from her was the hardest thing he'd ever done. But he'd gladly die a thousand deaths before he allowed himself to hurt her again.

Typically, at this time of the month he would be craving a woman to the point of distraction. Any woman would do, anyone who would stroke the beast within him. But he found himself disinterested in other women. The only woman on his mind was Elspeth. She was the only one he wanted to stroke. To hold. To love. To take. To… claim. He wanted her desperately.

Avoiding Elspeth was like avoiding a piece of himself. He knew now he could not live without her. How he'd been such a fool before, he wasn't sure. But he would spend every day making it up to her.

A voice broke him from his reverie. "I received word from Simon today." Will walked from the forest into view.

"Just how is our big brother doing?" Ben asked as he put down the ax he was using to clear his land and wiped his brow with his forearm. Nothing better than manual labor to take one's mind off a woman.

"He says life with Lily is wonderful. And that he's extremely happy."

"That doesn't sound like the Duke of Blackmoor." His brother Simon didn't have a romantic notion in his body.

"All right." Will shrugged. "It's Mother's translation. But she assures me it's the way Simon feels when he's with Lily."

"I'm sure they're blissfully happy, aside from those few days a month when he has to leave her side and hide out in exile, like a dog that's too dangerous to tether near home." The ax arched through the air and straight through a log, with much more force than was necessary.

"Mother says that he took Lily to the forest with him last month."

Ben's ax struck sideways when he lost his concentration. The mistake trembled up his arm until he dropped the quivering handle. "You're such a poor liar, Will."

"I'm not lying."

"And just how would Mother know this?"

"She's staying with them for a time. And Mother knows

everything

." Will spoke the truth. Their mother

did

know everything. And what she didn't know, she found out.

Ben met Will's eyes. "Would you put Prisca at risk like that?"

"My relationship with Prisca is not what we're discussing," Will hedged.

"Would you?" Ben said. Will glanced away. "That's what I thought." Will could never lie about Prisca.

Suddenly Will reached over and clutched Ben's shirt in his hands, raising him onto his tiptoes. He pushed and clawed to get free, but then Ben saw the desperation in Will's eyes and stilled. "If Prisca loved me the way Elspeth loves you, I would let

nothing

stand in my way. So quit being a goddamn fool."

Will released him and stepped away, then walked back into the forest with nothing more than a shake of his head.

Ben took a deep breath and raised his ax again. But before he could mangle the tree trunk before him, another masculine voice called out.

"I see you've done a lot of work here," Major Forster called as he approached.

"I had a great opportunity to work on the land. Since I'm not fit company for anyone else at this time." Ben pointed to the sky, where the sun was just about to drop below the horizon.

"You look like great company to me," the major said as he sat down on a log.

"That's because you grow hairy and drool at the sight of the moon, the same way I do. To everyone else, I'm dishonorable and untrustworthy. And I bite."