Patrick O'Brian - Post captain

‘Enemy?’

‘Of course. Don’t be a fool, Maturin. You must know that married men are the worst enemies women can have. Get me something to drink, will you? I am quite faint with all that fug.’

‘This is Sillery; this iced punch.’

‘Thank you. They offer what they call friendship or some stuff of that kind - the name don’t matter - and all they want in return for this great favour is your heart, your life, your future, your - I will not be coarse, but you know very well what I mean. There is no friendship in men: I know what I am talking about, believe me. There is not one round here, from old Admiral Haddock to that young puppy of a curate, who has not tried it: to say nothing of India. Who the devil do they think I am?’ she exclaimed, drumming on the arm of her chair. ‘The only honest one was Southampton, who sent an old woman from Madras to say he would be happy to take me into keeping; and upon my honour, if I had known what my life in England, in this muddy hole with nothing but beer-​swilling rustics, was going to be, I should have been tempted to accept. What do you think my life is like, without a sou and under the thumb of a vulgar, pretentious, ignorant woman who detests me? What do you think it is like, looking into this sort of a future, with my looks going, the only thing I have? Listen, Maturin, I speak openly to you, because I like you; I like you very much, and I believe you have a kindness for me - you are almost the only man I have met in England I can treat as a friend -trust as a friend.’

‘You have my friendship, sure,’ said Stephen heavily. After a long pause he said with a fair attempt at lightness, ‘You are not altogether just. You look as desirable as you can - that dress, particularly the bosom of that dress, would inflame Saint Anthony, as you know very well. It is unjust to provoke a man and then to complain he is a satyr if the provocation succeeds. You are not a miss upon her promotion, moved by unconscious instinctive…’

‘Do you tell me I am provocative?’ cried Diana.

‘Certainly I do. That is exactly what I am saying. But I do not suppose you know how much you make men suffer. In any case, you are arguing from the particular to the general: you have met some men who wish to take advantage of you, and you go too far Not all French waiters have red hair’

‘They all have red hair somewhere about them, and it shows sooner or later But I do believe you are an exception, Maturin, and that is why I confide in you I cannot tell you what a comfort it is. I was brought up among intelligent men - they were a loose lot on the Madras side and worse in Bombay, but they were intelligent, and oh how I miss them. And what a relief it is to be able to speak freely, after all this swimming in namby-​pamby.’

‘Your cousin Sophia is intelligent.’

‘Do you really think so? Well, there is a sort of quickness, if you like; but she is a girl-​we do not speak the same language. I grant you she is beautiful. She is really beautiful, but she knows nothing - how could she? - and I cannot forgive her her fortune. It is so unjust. Life is so unjust.’ Stephen made no reply, but fetched her an ice. ‘The only thing a man can offer a woman is marriage,’ she went on. ‘An equal marriage. I have about four or five years, and if I cannot find a husband by then, I shall … And where can one be found in this howling wilderness? Do I disgust you very much? I mean to put you off, you know.’

‘Yes, I am aware of your motions, Villiers. You do not disgust me at all - you speak as a friend. You hunt; and your chase has a beast in view.’

‘Well done, Maturin.’

‘You insist upon an equal marriage?’

‘At the very least. I shall despise a woman so poor-​spirited, so wanting in courage, as to make a mésalliance. There was a smart little whippersnapper of an attorney in Dover that had the infernal confidence to make me an offer. I have never been so mortified in my life. I had rather go to the stake, or look after the Teapot for the rest of my days.’

‘Define your beast.’

‘I am not difficult. He must have some money, of course - love in a cottage be damned. He must have some sense; he must not be actually deformed, nor too ancient. Admiral Haddock, for example, is beyond my limit, I do not insist upon it, but I should like him to be able to sit a horse and not fall off too often; and I should like him to be able to hold his wine. You do not get drunk, Maturin; that is one of the things I like about you. Captain Aubrey and half the other men here will have to be carried to bed.’

‘No, I love wine, but I do not find it often affects my judgment: not often. I drank a good deal this evening, however. As far as Jack Aubrey is concerned, do you not think you may be a little late in the field? I have the impression that tonight may be decisive.’

‘Has he told you anything? Has he confided in you?’

‘You do not speak as you have just spoken to a tattle-​tale of a man, I believe. As far as your knowledge of me goes, it is accurate.’

‘In any case, you are wrong. I know Sophie. He may make a declaration, but she will need a longer time than this. She need never fear being left on the shelf - it never occurs to her at all, I dare say - and she is afraid of marriage. How she cried when I told her men had hair on their chests! And she hates being managed - that is not the word I want. What is it, Maturin?’

‘Manipulated.’

‘Exactly. She is a dutiful girl - a great sense of duty: I think it rather stupid, but there it is - but still she finds the way her mother has been arranging and pushing and managing and angling in all this perfectly odious. You two must have had hogsheads of that grocer’s claret forced down your throats. Perfectly odious: and she is obstinate- strong, if you like - under that bread-​and-​butter way of hers. It will take a great deal to move her; much more than the excitement of a ball.’

‘She is not attached?’

‘Attached to Aubrey? I do not know; I do not suppose she knows herself. She likes him; she is flattered by his attentions; and to be sure he is a husband any woman would be glad to have - well-​off, good-​looking, distinguished in his profession and with a future before him, unexceptionable family, cheerful, good-​natured. But she is entirely unsuited to him - I am persuaded she is, with her secretive, closed, stubborn nature. He needs someone much more awake, much more alive: they would never be happy.’

‘She may have a passionate side, a side you know nothing about, or do not choose to see.’

‘Stuff, Maturin. In any case, he needs a different woman and she needs a different man: in a way you might be much more suited to her, if you could stand her ignorance.’

‘So Jack Aubrey might answer?’

‘Yes, I like him well enough. I should prefer a man more - what shall I say? More grown up, less of a boy

- less of a huge boy.’

‘He is highly considered in his profession, as you said yourself, just now.’

‘That is neither here nor there. A man may be brilliant in his calling and a mere child outside it. I remember a mathematician - they say he was one of the best in the world - who came out to India, to do something about Venus; and when his telescope was taken away from him, he was unfit for civilized life. A blundering schoolboy! He clung to my hand all through one tedious, tedious evening, sweating and stammering. No: give me the politicoes -they know how to live; and they are all reading men, more or less. I wish Aubrey were something of a reading man. More like you - I mean what I say. You are very good company: I like being with you. But he is a handsome fellow. Look,’ she said, turning to the window, ‘there he is, figuring away. He dances quite well, does he not? It is a pity he wants decision.’