Patrick O'Brian - H.M.S. Surprise

‘Should you like a window open, Sir Joseph?’

‘If it would not incommode you. Do you not find it a trifle warm yourself?’

‘I do not. The tropic sun is what I require, and a bushel of sea-​coals is its nearest equivalent. But it would scarcely answer for a normally-​constituted frame, I agree. Pray take off your coat - loosen your neckcloth. I do not stand on ceremony, as you see, with my nightcap and catskin comforter.’ He began to heave on a system of cords and purchases connected with the window, but sank back, muttering, ‘Jesus, Mary and Joseph. No grip, no grip at all. Bonden!’

‘Sir?’ said Bonden, instantly appearing at the door.

‘Just clap on to that slab-​line, and tally and belay right aft, will you now?’ said Stephen, glancing at Sir Joseph with covert pride.

Bonden gaped, caught the Doctor’s intention, and moved forward. But with his hand on the rope he paused and said, ‘But I don’t hardly know, sir, that draught would be the thing. We ain’t so spry this morning.’

‘You see how it is, Sir Joseph. Discipline all to pieces; never an order carried out without endless wrangling. Damn you, sir.’

Bonden sulkily opened the window an inch or two, poked the fire and left the room, shaking his head.

‘I believe I shall take off my coat,’ said Sir Joseph. ‘So a warm climate would suit, you tell me?’

‘The hotter the better. As soon as I can, I mean to go down to Bath, to wallow in the warm and sulphurous -,

‘Just what I was about to observe!’ cried Sir Joseph. ‘I am delighted to hear it. It was the very thing I should have recommended if’ - if you had not looked so very savage, explosive, obstinate and cantankerous, he thought; but said ‘if it had been my place to advise you. The very thing to brace the fibres; my sister Clarges knew of a case, not perhaps quite identical . . . ‘ He felt he was on dangerous ground, coughed, and without a transition said, ‘But to return to your friend: will not his marriage set him up? I saw the announcement in The Times, and surely I understand the young lady to be a very considerable heiress? Lady Keith told me the estate is very handsome; some of the best farm-​land in the county.’

‘That is so, sure. But it is in her mother’s hands entirely; and this mother is the most unromantic beast that ever urged its squat thick bulk across the face of the protesting earth; whereas Jack is not. He has the strangest notions of what constitutes a scrub, and the greatest contempt for a fortune-​hunter. A romantic creature. And the most pitiful liar you can imagine: when I had to tell him the Spanish treasure was not prize, but that he was a pauper again, he feigned to have known it a great while - laughed, comforted me as tender as a woman, said he had been quite resigned to it these months past, desired me not to fret - he did not mind it. But I know all that night he wrote to Sophia, and I am morally certain he released her from her engagement. Not that that will have the slightest effect upon her, the honey bun,’ he added, leaning back on his pillows with a smile.

Bonden walked in, staggering under the weight of two butts of coal, and made up the fire.

‘Sir Joseph, you will take some coffee? Perhaps a glass of Madeira? They have an excellent sercial here, that I can conscientiously recommend.’

‘Thank you, thank you - perhaps I might have a glass of water? A glass of cold water would be most acceptable.’

‘A glass of water, Bonden, if you please, and a decanter of Madeira. And if I find another raw egg beaten up in rum on the tray, Bonden; I shall fling it at your head. That,’ he said, sipping his wine, ‘was the most painful aspect of my journey, the breaking of my news. Even more painful than the fact that my let us call it interrogation was carried out by the French, the nation I love best.’

‘What civilised man does not? Their rulers, politicians, revolutions set apart, and this horrible engouement for Bonaparte.’

‘Just so. But these were not new men. Dutourd was an engineer, ancien rŽgime, and Auger a dragoon - regular, traditional officers. That was the horrible part. I had thought I knew the nation through and through - lived there, studied in Paris. However, Jack Aubrey had a short way with them. Yes. As I was saying, he is a romantic creature: after this affair he tossed his sword into the sea, though I know the value he had for it. Then again, he loves to make war - no man more eager in the article of battle; but afterwards it is as though he did not feel that war consisted of killing your opponents. There is a contradiction here.’

‘I am so glad you are going to the Bath,’ said Sir Joseph, whom the conflicts within the heart of a frigate-​captain he had never seen interested less than the restoration of his friend’s health; for although in ordinary relationships the chief of naval intelligence more nearly resembled an iceberg than a human being, he had a real affection, a real warmth of affection for Maturin. ‘I am delighted, because you will meet my successor there, and I shall be down from time to time. I shall look forward extremely to enjoying your company, and to bringing you better acquainted with him.’ He felt the strength of Stephen’s gaze at the word successor, relished it for a moment, and went on. ‘Yes. I shall be retiring presently, to my Sabine beetles; I have a little place in the Fens, a Paradise for coleoptera. How I look forward to it! Not without a certain regret, of course; yet this is lessened by the fact that I leave my concerns - our concerns - in good hands. You are acquainted with the gentleman.’

‘Indeed?’

‘Yes. When you desired me to send a confidential person to take down your report because of the state of your hands - oh, it was barbarous, barbarous, to have used you so -

I begged Mr Waring to come. You sat with him for two hours!’ he said, savouring the triumph.

‘You astonish me. I am amazed,’ said Stephen crossly. But then a smile spread across his face: that subfuse, entirely unremarkable man, that Mr Waring, would answer charmingly. He had done his work with no fuss of any kind, efficiently; and his only questions had been immediately to the point; he had given nothing away - no special knowledge, no particular interest; and he might have been some dull, respectable civil servant in the middle reaches of the hierarchy.

He has the greatest admiration for your work, and a thorough grasp of the situation. Admiral Sievewright will appear for him - a much better system - but you will deal directly with him when I am gone. You will agree very well, I am sure: he is a professional. It was he who dealt with the late Monsieur de La Tapetterie. I believe, by the bye, that you gave him to understand that you had some other papers or observations that lay somewhat outside the limits of your report.’

‘Yes. If you will be so good as to pass me that leather-​covered object - thank you. The Confederacio burnt the house - how those fellows love a blaze - but before we left I desired their chief to remove the important papers, from which I offer you this, as a personal present for your retirement. It comes to you by right, since your name appears in it - les agissements nŽfastes de Sir Blame on page three, and le perfide Sir Blame on page seven. It is a report drawn up nominally by Colonel Auger but in fact by the far more brilliant Dutourd for your homologue in Paris, showing the present state of their military intelligence network in the eastern part of the Peninsula, including Gibraltar, with appreciation of the agents, details of payment, and so on. It is not finished, because the gentleman was cut short in mid-​paragraph, but it is tolerably complete, and authentic even to the very blood stains. You will find a certain number of surprises, particular Mr. Judas Griffiths; but on the whole I hope it will gratify you. Oh, that we had such a document for England! In my yesterday’s state of knowledge it seemed to me a document that should pass from my hands directly to yours,’ he said, handing it over.