Jill Smolinski: The Next Thing on My List

‘ It’ s easy,’ he said, grinning-and see? There went the crinkles. ‘ Think about what you would have done before, which would have been nothing. Then do something.’

‘ Very funny.’ I added, ‘ The old me would leave to go inside right now.’

He lifted an eyebrow. ‘ And the new you& ?’

I shifted in my seat so I faced him, then I placed one hand behind his head and pulled him close in a kiss. And it was nice-warm and soft and sweet-and I kissed him again, and again, and soon I was gulping him in, and he was tugging me close, tangling his hands in my hair, and it was crazy& Dominic Martucci of all people! Yet for once I wasn’ t second-guessing myself or letting myself get lost in doubt. I knew for certain that-wherever it might go or whatever might happen-sprawled across Martucci’ s front seat with my tongue greedily seeking his was exactly where I wanted to be right now.

He gazed at me, brushing my hair away from my face. ‘ For the record, Parker,’ he said, ‘ this definitely qualifies as something.’

‘ Glad you approve. I have to play it by ear now that I don’ t have a list.’

‘ Mmm. I’ ve been working on one of my own, you know.’

‘ You have?’

‘ Sure. Ever since I got a preview of your goodies in Vegas, I’ ve spent a helluva lot of hours thinking exactly what I’ d like to do to you.’ Laying kisses along my neck, trailing them softly down to my throat, he murmured, ‘ It’ s probably best you don’ t have a list right now. Mine’ s going to keep you mighty busy.’

STARING AT THE BLANK PAPER before me, I chewed on the tip of my pen. This was harder than I’ d thought it would be.

All I’ d written so far was, June’ s To-Do List.

I supposed I didn’ t need a list. My life was already so different from what it used to be, plus Martucci’ s list was proving to be quite satisfying. Still, a few goals that involved my clothes on couldn’ t hurt.

The first thing I’ d done the Saturday after Marissa’ s party was pack up the gifts I’ d gotten from the baby shower at work and drive to Deedee’ s house. Even though I knew she had the childbirth class, I figured it couldn’ t take the entire day. She might have wanted to cut me from her life, but it was going to take a machete to do it.

Deedee answered the door dressed in a tank top over an enormous swell of stomach, and I gaped at her. ‘ Cripes, you swallow the Olson twins since the last time I saw you?’

‘ I know. I’ m a big old cow, huh?’

‘ Nah. You’ re cute as ever. But that’ s a heck of a belly.’

She furrowed her brows. ‘ How come you’ re here? I thought for sure you hated me.’

‘ Not a chance. I’ ll admit I was disappointed, but how could I be mad? You made the smart choice. Now are you going to make me stand out here, or will you let me in so I can give you these gifts?’

She called Maria over, and I didn’ t need a translator for the oohs and aahs, especially when I rolled in that Cadillac of a stroller. I’ d had no qualms keeping the gifts from my co-workers. I could have put a down payment on a home with all the cash I’ ve laid out for other people over the years. I simply let everyone know it was going to a poor blind grandma, and that was that. There was no need to mention she was twenty-nine.

As Deedee chattered on about running into her archnemesis, Theresa, the other day, I smiled to myself. I’ d almost adopted a baby because I was so smitten with the idea of a little girl needing me.

Well, there was still a little girl who needed me.

Sure, she had a tendency to swear and wear too much eyeliner, but she needed me.

IT WAS A FEW DAYS after that that my brother called to tell me to check my e-mail. ‘ I sent you a file of a page to be posted by our adoption agency. You’ re a writer-I wanted to see if you had any suggestions.’

‘ You’ re adopting-that’ s great! How did that happen?’

‘ Hold on,’ he said, ‘ I’ ll let the boss explain.’ And he put Charlotte on the line.

She told me how she and Bob had talked on their way home from Deedee’ s that day and how she had realized that if she could get that excited about a baby she’ d known about for less than a day, there’ d be no problem bonding with another. The adoption process could take a year or more, she told me, but that was nothing compared with how long they’ d already waited.

‘ And you’ re not upset that you didn’ t get Deedee’ s baby?’

‘ I was for a bit. Then for the first time I realized that this is going to happen. Bob and I will be parents. The right one will come along. Sad as I was, I had to accept it-that wasn’ t our baby.’

MAYBE I’ D PUT Swimming with the dolphins.

Then again, maybe not. My mom might want to frolic among Flipper’ s little friends, but it wouldn’ t make my list.

Truth was, I’ d ambled through most of my life, not putting much thought into what I’ d wanted. Even for the past year, when I’ d worked so hard to complete the list, it had been a list of someone else’ s dreams. It was time to put my own in motion.

Yet when I wrote down my first task, I surprised even myself.

After all, there were so many places to visit. So many things to do. Maybe marriage or babies. Taking up tap dancing. Reading the classics. Buying a sportier car. There were a million things I could put on my list.

But what I wrote was, #1. Go skydiving.

What was up with that?

I’ d never had the slightest urge to skydive. In fact, I’ d always thought it was about the silliest thing a person could do.

Yet suddenly the idea of making a wild leap-hurtling through the air, yet trusting that I’ d know when to open my parachute so I’ d have a soft landing-well, it sounded like something I might like to try.

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