Shayla Black: Wicked and Dangerous

A bitter laugh fell quietly from her lips. “But you were still reeling from what I said last night, weren’t you? You saw this as a way to push me away. You said you only kissed her neck, but just how far would you have been willing to go for your deception?”

“I . . .” He glanced at Mike, then back to her. “Do we have to do this in front of him?”

Lily smirked. “Why not? This is hardly the time to get shy.”

Ryder cursed under his breath, then cut another lethal look toward Mike. But the jackass didn’t retreat. Instead, he looked at Lily and asked, “Do you need me to stay?”

Shaking her head, she said, “It’s okay, Mike. I’m sorry for dragging you into this. Go and enjoy your night.”

“You sure you’re going to be okay?”

She gave him a watery smile. “I’ll be fine. Thanks for your, um . . . help tonight.”

Ryder scowled at the crooked grin Mike gave her in return. “You and I will talk tomorrow,” he snarled at the smiling jackass.

Mike shot him a wry look. “Whatever you say, man. I’ll just wait until you’ve bundled her up safely in the Jeep, then follow you back to the safe house.” Lifting his brows, he added, “Someone’s got to be on watch tonight, right?”

He wanted to argue, but knew he needed the bastard’s help. He jerked his chin in silent agreement, then looked back at Lily. “Come on. I’m taking you home.”

She shook her head again. “That isn’t my home, Scott. None of this is mine. I don’t belong here.”

“Just get in the damn Jeep,” he grunted, knowing that whatever else was said between them that night, it needed to be done in private.

THE DRIVE BACK TO THE SAFE HOUSE WAS SHORT, BUT LONGenough for Lily to work through some things in her head. She listened while Ryder phoned the female deputy who’d been in his lap, telling her the op was over and that she could head on home. Then he phoned Ben and told him the plan had fallen through and that he’d be in touch tomorrow. She was surprised to learn that the sheriff had known about the op, but then Ben must have been the one who gave the female deputy the okay to take part. She’d also learned that a backup team of deputies had been waiting in a car just down the road from the club.

Thank God they hadn’t been parked in the back lot. It was embarrassing enough, what had happened in front of Mike. She could only be grateful she hadn’t lost her mind in front of a group of strangers.

Once they were inside the house, Ryder followed her back to her room and shut the door behind him.

“I’m done,” she said, her arms crossed over her chest as she turned to face him. “We’re talking now . Either you tell me why you left three years ago or I’m leaving.”

His expression was hard, but she could have sworn there was a touch of fear in his dark eyes. “If you did, you’d be signing your own death warrant.”

“I’m still so upset right now I don’t even care.”

He worked his jaw as he started to pace in front of her, looking as though he was trying hard to figure out what he should say. “I’ve tried before to protect people who didn’t give a shit and failed,” he finally told her. “I couldn’t go through that with you.”

“Are you talking about Rado?”

He slanted her a grim look. “No. I’m talking about before. By the time I met you, you were a risk I couldn’t afford.”

“I don’t understand.” She frowned with confusion. “What makes you think I would have been a risk?”

He stopped in front of her, bracing his hands on his hips, and gave a harsh laugh. “Jesus, Lil. Everything you did back then was a risk.”

“Now wait a damn minute,” she said hotly, unable to believe he was throwing this in her face. “That’s not fair, Scott. I pushed my limits to help . . . to help deal with the things I was feeling. You got to run all over the world, blowing things up. Living on the edge. Getting away from everything. I didn’t. I needed something to take my stupid mind off how badly I wanted you! Then you left, and I . . .”

“You what?” he grunted, when her voice trailed away.

“I . . . changed.” And she had. She’d been broken when he’d left. Crushed. She’d barely wanted to crawl out of bed and go to work, much less go climbing up the side of a mountain or jumping out of an airplane. Shaking off the remembered pain, she looked at him and said, “What happened on that last op in Minsk? What pushed you away from me?”

At first, Lily didn’t think he was going to answer her. Then he started pacing again, shoving his hands back through his hair, his voice tight as he said, “I made some bad calls that got soldiers killed because I knew Radovich was a threat to your family, which meant he was a threat to you. And I wasn’t willing to live with that.” When he looked her way again, she flinched under the raw force of his gaze. “When I realized I was ready to detonate enough explosives to kill an entire city block of innocent people in order to make sure he could never harm you, I knew it was time I let you go. That I got the hell away from you.”

Her heart was beating so fast that it hurt, and she swallowed hard. “But you didn’t do it, Scott. Wanting to do something and actually going through with it are two entirely different things. You know that.”

He blew out a rough breath, his tall, muscular body vibing with a vicious tension as he continued to pace. “But I almost did. Christ, Lily, you have no idea how badly I wanted to, just so I’d know that bastard could never get to you.”

She couldn’t stop herself from taking a step toward him. “And you don’t think I would have felt the same way about protecting you?”

He stopped pacing and shook his head. “Most women aren’t like that.”

“Well, I’m not most goddamn women,” she shot back, her voice cracking with emotion. “I’m the one who wanted you more than life!”

He flinched, then fisted his hands at his sides and bellowed, “You were a fucking child!”

“I wasn’t,” she argued, swiping at the stupid tears on her face. “You were just too blind to see it. But take a good look at me now. Tell me if you still think I’m a little girl.”

His hot gaze slid up and down her body. “After the things I’ve done to you, you know I don’t. You wanted me to fuck you and I have.”

Her laugh was brittle, filled with pain and the longing for things she knew she wasn’t ever going to get. “I didn’t just want to fuck you. I wanted to belong to you. I wanted to make a life with you. Have a family with you. Grow old with you. And you left without even saying a single word to me!”

“And you don’t think I’m sorry for that? That it hasn’t torn me apart every fucking day I’ve been away from you?”

“I . . . I don’t know,” she said, shaking her head. “How could I know? You give me nothing.”

“I couldn’t!” he roared, swiping his hand through the air. “Fuck, Lily. Listen to what I’m telling you. What I want doesn’t matter. The problem is that the two of us together would be like a goddamn natural disaster. We’re talking storm of the century!”

“No, that’s not true. I think it’s all a matter of perspective, Scott. As well as trust. And just for the record, I happen to love storms. They’re . . . exciting. And beautiful.” She took another step toward him. “If you have the right person by your side, there’s nothing in a storm that can hurt you. Except them . They hold a power over you. One you end up giving over to them whether you want to or not. Even knowing they might destroy you with it.”

He screwed his eyes shut, looking pained, then slowly opened them. “Damn it, Lily. I didn’t want to hurt you.”