Jay Crownover - Rome

By the end of the night I ended up putting Ayden to bed, without Jet. He was still out running around with Rowdy and Nash, but I was sure he would have no trouble figuring out how to get her up and going when he finally got home. Shaw left earlier; I think it was driving her crazy not to fire a million questions at me and at the same time sing Rome’s praises. She was a really good friend, but in this particular case she was caught between a rock and a hard place. If I hadn’t been the hard place and Rome hadn’t been the rock, I might have been inclined to work up a smidge of sympathy for her. As it was, I made her promise again not to say anything to Rule about the baby until I had it out with the older Archer. She readily agreed and left with a hug and a knowing look.

I knew all anybody wanted was for me to be happy, for Rome to find some kind of peace and balance. I just wasn’t sure those things went hand in hand anymore. I felt like if he got close enough to break my heart, the damage done would be as detrimental to him as it would be to me. I wasn’t sure any of it was worth the risk. Not with so much at stake.

Getting up the next morning was a little rough. Wrapping my head around the fact that I was no longer operating as an autonomous person was weird. I didn’t know the first thing about being pregnant or having a kid, so I figured I better start Googling stuff, like yesterday. I also called and made a doctor’s appointment and tried to figure out what on earth I was going to tell my dad. What I didn’t do was call Rome. I couldn’t think of a conversation I wanted to have less than that one.

When I got to work the guys were already there and doing their prep for the day. We all usually went in an hour before noon to get the shop up and running. The guys typically finished last-minute drawings and I called and reminded appointments for the day. This morning everyone seemed pretty sedate and I was glad Rule and Nash both acted totally normal. Clearly Shaw had kept her word and not said anything to her boyfriend. I was staring at my phone like maybe it would magically have all the answers I needed when it suddenly dinged with a new message. It made me jump, and when I saw Rome’s name at the top of the message box, my stomach lurched hard enough that I had to run to the bathroom before I hurled orange juice all over my fancy computer and desktop.

I stayed in the bathroom longer than necessary. I had to splash cold water on my face and take a minute to catch my breath. I couldn’t avoid him forever, and I really did want to know what he had to say for himself after the last few weeks of radio silence. I fluffed my hair up, put on some bright red lipstick, and felt like I had some kind of armor in place to deal with whatever that message might say.

Only, true to form, Rome liked to make things a million times harder than they had to be. When I came out of the bathroom I stumbled to a halt because Rome was standing in the waiting room of the shop and both Rule and Nash were all up in his face. Rule looked furious and Nash looked nervous. Rome looked like crap, but he wasn’t saying a word as his brother screamed in his face and poked him in the chest with a tattooed finger.

“We told you to leave her alone. Could you listen? No! Like always you know better than everyone else, and now look! She’s been upset for the last two weeks, being meaner than normal, and now she’s so upset you made her sick.”

Rule poked Rome so hard that this time the older Archer took a step back. None of them noticed me just yet, and I wasn’t sure the best way to interrupt without making a bigger mess of things.

Nash shook his head and pulled Rule back a step. “I told you to leave it alone, dude.”

Rome cast those azure-blue eyes toward the floor and what little color was left in his face fled. He looked like he hadn’t slept in a month; his pallor was awful, the turn of his mouth harsh and concerning. All I wanted to do was give him a hug and tell him everything would be all right.

“You don’t understand.”

“No, I don’t. You threatened to kick my ass all over the place if I was messing with Shaw. Well, you’re doing exactly that to Cora and it’s fucked up.”

Rome sucked in a breath and released it. I thought for a second he was going to turn around and leave, but just then he looked up and his eyes locked on mine. He blinked, once and then once again, and I could have sworn I saw some kind of shadow lift and clear, letting the dazzling sapphire light shine through.

“Rule, I’m not messing with anyone. Like I said, you just don’t get it, but I don’t owe you an explanation. Cora, however, I owe way more than that.”

Rule swore again and Nash had to literally hold him in check. “You owe everyone an explanation, Rome. This shit is tired and needs to stop. You can’t just keep hurting everyone because you’re unhappy.”

Blue eyes clashed with blue eyes and I saw the fire light up in Rome. It was about to get real.

“You mean like you always did? Funny how you can be so sanctimonious now that you settled down with Shaw. Not too long ago she had to drag your hungover, booze-soaked, philandering carcass to Mom and Dad’s because you had hurt feelings. Get out of my face, Rule. I don’t owe you shit.”

Okay, there was going to be a full-on Archer brawl if I didn’t stop this now.

“Rome.” They finally turned their full attention to me. “What are you doing here?”

He looked unsure of how to answer, so I made my way to where the guys were standing and inserted myself in between them. I could feel the hostility blazing off of Rule and the remorse bleeding off of Rome. I didn’t want to drown or get sucked into any of it.

“Uh … I was hoping I could talk to you real fast before you started work.”

I sighed. “Well, I wanted to talk to you all last week and you ignored me.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too, because now I don’t know that I want to hear what you have to say. I’m not that hard to find, big guy.”

He sighed. “I know.”

We stared at each other for a long and silent moment until he finally dropped his eyes back to the floor. I felt Rule shift behind me and figured I better split the two of them up before I had to clean blood off the floor. I grabbed Rome by the arm and pulled him out the front door to the sidewalk in front of the shop. Rule shouted something ugly out the door after us, and I felt Rome tense.

“Stop it. One battle at a time.”

He threw his hands up in the air in front of him. “That’s the problem, Cora. I’m so tired of fighting.”

His eyes were burning so hot I felt like they were going to leave holes right through me.

“I’m fighting with my folks. I’m fighting with Rule. I’m fighting my vices. I’m fighting my fear of the future. I’m fighting my own goddamn head, and I’m just tired. I’m retired. I was supposed to be leaving all the fighting in the desert.”

I wanted to comfort him, to tell him I understood, but there were bigger stakes here than just me and him.

“So what are you going to do about it?”

That was the key. He could keep fighting, keep battling everything alone until he just wore himself into a husk of a man, into a shadow of the person he once was, or he could ask for help. I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until he finally answered me.

“I got the name of a guy from Brite. He’s a retired shrink and a vet. He only takes guys on referral. I went to talk to him yesterday. He was a really nice guy.”

I let out the breath and felt my heart rate settle into something less chaotic.

“I spent the entire hour and a half we talked telling him about you. About how shitty I felt for bailing on you, how I thought something really awesome was starting between us, and how I blew it all to hell by being a pussy.”