Ann Aguirre - I Want It That Way

Leaving if only behind, I squared my shoulders and went silently inside.

The rest of September, I was strong.

I went to school and hung out with friends, did coursework, turned in my project on time and continued to doubt myself as I struggled in the practicum. Pretty much the only time I saw Ty was when he picked Sam up from school. Since he didn’t ask why I’d backed off, I figured he knew. If he minded, he’d say something, right? This wasn’t the typical dating move—run to see if he’ll chase you. It was far more basic and for the sake of self-preservation. I’d skated right up to the edge of falling for him, and had fallen hard, but since he was honest with me about his situation, I regrouped.

After that first time, Ty never acted like he didn’t know me. When our paths crossed outside the building or at the fitness center, we made casual conversation. He was friendly. Sometimes we talked about how Sam was doing at day care. If it stung a bit for things to be like this when we had so much damned potential, well, it was better than huge heartbreak later.

I’m being sensible. It makes no sense to fixate on a guy I can’t have.

Things were on a pretty even keel, and I wasn’t horrified by my test scores, mostly As and Bs. I had almost forgotten—okay, not at all—the rush of excitement I’d felt waiting for Ty on the balcony, so I was surprised to find him waiting one night after work. He’d picked Sam up and they left the building before me, but as I stepped outside, I saw them in the parking lot.

“Do you have a minute?” he asked.

“Sure.” I was too startled to say anything else.

“Let me get Sam squared away. Walk us to the car?”

“Please, Nadia?” The small Tyler gazed up at me imploringly, and I probably wouldn’t say no if he asked for a kidney.

“No problem, bud.”

He looked at me mock-reproachfully. “My name is Sam.” Then he laughed, because he never tired of that game.

While I’d spent less time with his dad lately, I spent twenty-odd hours a week with Sam. He was smart, adorable, funny, all-around awesome. Late at night, after doing my homework, I got on joke sites because he was obsessed with dinosaurs. So now, whenever I first saw him, I had to come up with a new one every time as a greeting. Today it was: What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars? Tyrannosaurus wrecks! Then I wrote out the words, so he could really appreciate the joke. The day before, I hit him with, What do you call it when a dinosaur makes a goal with a soccer ball? A dino-score! His giggle was seriously the light of my life.

Tonight he melted my heart by hugging me tight around the neck and giving me a wet kiss on the cheek. “See you Monday!”

Then Ty buckled him into his car seat and shut the door, giving us a moment of privacy. I hadn’t let myself think about him or miss him, but right then, those repressed feelings swamped me. I was probably doing the hungry staring at the moment but I couldn’t help it.

“It feels like I haven’t talked to you in forever,” he said quietly.

“Been a few weeks.”

“But you’re never out of mind. Sam’s favorite sentence these days starts with ‘Nadia says...’ He’s always chattering about you.”

Trying for a friendly smile, I answered, “I’m glad he likes it here. I wouldn’t have recommended it if I didn’t honestly think it’s a great environment.”

“Yeah. That’s not what I wanted to talk to you about, though.”

“What’s up?” My faux-chipper expression wouldn’t give anything away, right?

Ty put a hand on my shoulder. “Stop that. Stop.”

“Huh?”

“Be real. Be you. ”

It shook me that he knew me well enough already to understand that three weeks away from him hadn’t cured my feelings or even lessened them. Damn. I was so totally fooling myself. The warmth of his palm nearly melted my spine. Somehow I managed not to lean into him.

“Okay.” My smile dropped, and I gave him what he wanted. This face, you show me everything. “I missed you. But it seemed like a good idea to back off. We got in deep that night.”

“True, it was a little fast, and I’m not known for insta-bonding. So I appreciate the thinking time. And...I’d like to take you up on that offer, if it still stands.”

My heart skittered. “Which one?”

“Broken Arrow is playing this weekend, and I’ve been curious about their live shows. I’m dropping Sam off with my parents tonight. Would you go with me tomorrow?”

For a few seconds, I considered playing it cool. This was short notice, but if Lauren was asking, I wouldn’t blink over last-minute plans. “Absolutely. I’m going to a party tonight, but I haven’t made plans for Saturday yet.”

“I’d say I’ll pick you up, but it makes more sense for you to come downstairs when you’re ready.”

“Agreed. What kind of place is it?” I was wondering how I should dress.

“Underground whiskey bar, styled after a speakeasy. Do you know what that is?”

“Are you serious? Roaring ’20s. Prohibition. I did take U.S. History.”

He smiled down at me and the humor went clear through to his eyes, lighting them from within. “You’re cute when you’re defensive. Don’t take it personally. Most people in our age bracket would blank stare in response to the word speakeasy. ”

“God, the way you talk.”

“I’m not a silver-tongued devil, I take it?”

I smirked. “Closer with the grumpy asshole warning.”

“You’re breaking my heart. Anyway, jeans will be fine, unless you just can’t resist dressing like a flapper. I respect the need for cosplay.”

The minute he said that, I mentally ransacked my closet, trying to remember if I had anything sparkly that could fit the bill. “You’ll just have to wait and see.”

“I refuse. I’ll invent a time machine as soon as I get home.”

“I highly suspect that will take longer than twenty-four hours.”

“Always, the ladies underestimate me,” he said mournfully.

If only you knew how colossally untrue that is.

But I kept it light. “The true burden of greatness is being so painfully misunderstood in your own time.”

“You do get me. I have Sam’s bag in the car, and I’m having dinner with my parents, so I won’t be home until later.” My expression must’ve given away my confusion, because he added, “In case you change your mind or something. Maybe I should give you my number, just in case.”

Getting out my phone, I said, “Go for it.”

There was no way I’d decide not to go tomorrow, but he didn’t know that, and even if I did, I could knock on his door and tell him. But I wanted his cell info, and I texted Test right away, so he’d have mine.

The message popped up with a ping, and Ty smiled, so pleased that I wanted to capture that expression for posterity. “So that’s you, huh?”

“Yep. Gotcha.” With a smirk, I snapped a picture of him.

“I think you just invaded my privacy.” But he didn’t ask me to see it or to delete the pic. Instead, with a measured sort of consideration, he took one of me. “And that’s payback.”

I flushed, beyond pleased that he’d reciprocated. Stop it, you can’t get all crazy over this. “We’re good to go?”

“Yeah. See you.”

Tapping on the glass made Sam glance up from his picture book. I waved to them both as Ty got in the car, and then I jogged to the Toyota. Before I left the parking lot, I created a contact for him, adding all the information I possessed, including the picture I’d just taken. The sun was behind him, adding gold lights to his auburn hair. Crinkles beside his eyes made him even more adorable, and his lips were slightly parted. This face. I could love this face. And everything about the guy that goes along with it.