Darren Shan: Procession of the dead

On nights like those I wish I'd done things differently, stayed in Sonas with Dee to face the music, stayed true to Ama and spared her, given The Cardinal the time he requested. I wish I'd run away with Conchita and shared her brief week of happiness. I wish I'd never been created or that I could change my nature. But the nights always pass and such thoughts never last long in the clearheaded world of the dawn.

I'm becoming the man I was born to be. Every day brings me closer to the cold, heartless, emotionless machine of The Cardinal's warped vision. One day I'll wake up, look in a mirror and see nothing human at all. On that day I'll know I've made it. Top of the world.

I'm finished with this tale. The past is an interesting place but I've had enough of it. The call of the present can't be ignored. There are things to do. People to kill. Countries to buy and sell. I might not be able to leave this city for more than a few days at a time-I die if I do and end up back at the station-but that won't restrict me. I can see forever from the top of Party Central.

Reflecting on the past has made me maudlin. I think I'll crack open a can of beer and call in some whores. I have a meeting with a rebellious pair of ganglords this afternoon. They've formed a coalition and are plotting to overthrow me. I think they'll kill me at the meeting. I'll probably let them-it'll be good for a laugh. Pay them a visit when I return and watch their faces drop.

What will the future be like? That's the towering question. I feel great right now, running this brute of a city. In theory it should be even better when I have the planet under my thumb, god of all I survey. But I'm not so sure. What if I get bored? When I've done everything and conquered all, what will be left? How does a man who lives forever get any kicks out of a world that can't surprise him any longer? Maybe I'll wipe everything out and start over. Even now I have missiles of mass destruction at my disposal. Maybe I'll raze the lot when the world starts to bore me and build civilization up from scratch. New cities, new races, new religions, new histories. I could do it over and over, build and destroy, build and destroy, an endless cycle. Kill billions, raise a new crop, then slaughter them all again. God and Devil, giver and taker, tormentor of all and eternal.

Can I really be so ruthless, so tyrannical, so cold? Take this world to the very end of suffering and beyond? Yes. Yes, I think I can, if I have to. If I get bored… if eternity weighs heavy upon me… if there's nothing else to amuse me… I'll do all that and more. Much more. Anything to pass the time.