Anton Strout: Dead To Me

From: The Fraternal Order of Goodness-Fighting the Good Fight since the Middle Ages

DearSimon Canderous:

Congratulations! You have been nominated for initiation into the Fraternal Order of Goodness (F.O.G.) at the request ofInspectre Argyle Quimbley.

Yourbravery / quick thinking / not getting killed confirms your commitment to both your personal survival and educational growth. We are confident you will make a valuable contribution to the Order’s fine tradition of scholarship and service, neither of which our secret society can talk to you about until the appropriate paperwork has been filled out.

This offer is contingent upon successful completion of any and/or all pending casework/enchantments/removal of curses and please bear in mind that while we are affiliated with the Department of Extraordinary Affairs, we predate their organization by several centuries. You must also make arrangements for filling out our questionnaire in the presence of your sponsor. We, therefore, encourage an early response. Please set aside the appropriate five-hour block for this at your discretion.

Enclosed please find an enrollment contract, along with instructions for accepting our offer and completing the enrollment process. On behalf of the entire Fraternal Order of Goodness, we extend a warm welcome and best wishes for your success. We appreciate your interest in fighting evil and staying alive, and we hope you share our enthusiasm about your future with F.O.G.