Warren Murphy: Hostile Takeover

Faith rushed to him. "Before you go," she said. "Do you have any hot market tips?"

"Yeah. Dump all your faxes. They cause sterility in laboratory rats. The AMA is about to blow the whistle on the whole thing."

"Oh, I will. I promise."

At the door, Faith bestowed on his lips a wistful butterfly kiss. He gave her a discolored bear's tooth souvenir in return, then left, feeling her eyes follow him to the elevator.

His pent-up laughter held long enough for the elevator to reach the lobby. He laughed all the way down the street.

It stopped abruptly when he passed a teenager in a T-shirt that read "I SAW THE BEAR!" Under the legend was a picture of Bear-Man's ferocious head. Two blocks further along, a business type carrying The Wall Street journal under one arm almost bumped into him. He wore a brown baseball cap with a bear's head mounted on top. Remo saw bear-teeth bumper stickers, necklaces, and even a street mime in a shaggy grizzly costume.

"Oh, no," Remo said. He hailed a cab and raced to the Nostrum Building.

Remo found the Master of Sinanju fuming in the emptiness of his office. The trading room was still in ruins from the shooting. There were no workers to be seen anywhere.

Remo stepped over the litter of broken glass and furniture. Chiun caught sight of his worried expression.

"What is wrong, Remo?" he squeaked.

"What makes you think something is wrong?" Remo asked innocently.

"Your face betrays you, as always."

"Tell me your troubles and I'll tell you mine," Remo countered, joining him in the office.

"I have just been on the telephone with that deceiver, Smith," Chiun complained.

"Let me guess. He's taking Nostrum away from you."

"He would not dare. He says it is mine if I will assume all the debts. Nostrum is overleveraged, whatever that means."

"Search me," Remo said. " I don't understand business talk."

"It has something to do with Nostrum having borrowed money from something called the Social Security Trust Fund. They have called in the note. Nostrum must sell all its stocks to accomplish this. I knew nothing about this debt. Did you?"

"It's news to me," Remo admitted. "So what did you tell Smith?"

"I asked him who this Social Security Trust Fund was and he told me it belonged to the American government. I then told Smith that if the President wishes to sue Nostrum, I will take this to the Supreme Courtyard. You see, I have learned how these business people think."

Remo masked a smile. "And what did he say?"

"He began babbling about the elderly persons who will not be fed if the money is not returned. And then he made me an offer I could not refuse."

"He did?" Remo said. "Smith? Our Smith? Tightwad Smith? What did he offer?"

"Something more worthy than all the stock certificates in the world," Chiun replied.

"Yeah?"

"Australian beautiful dramas!" Chiun cried triumphantly. "Beamed by satellite to our very home every day. Think of it, Remo. I will once again have beautiful dramas with which to pass my declining years.

"I'd say that's worth millions of dollars any day," Remo said wryly.

"I knew that you would agree," Chiun said. "That is why I freely and with clear conscience offered him your share of Nostrum as well."

Remo's eyebrows shot up. "My share?"

"Smith threw in British dramas. How could I refuse anything so magnanimous?"

"Especially when you're not footing the bill," Remo said dryly. "What about Cheeta Ching? I thought she was number one on your wish list."

"A woman is young for a time," Chiun said loftily, "but art endures forever. And I think that when she learns of my magnificent treasure trove of beautiful dramas, she will beat a path to my very door, begging me to share these riches with her."

"Could be," Remo said. Chiun's wrinkled features broke into a pleasurable smile. "But I doubt it," Remo added quickly.

Chiun frowned. "We shall see," he said in a careless voice. "Now, what is it that troubles you?"

"I see Bear-Man everywhere I go. And he's not me."

"I know, I know," Chiun said unhappily.

"You must be cleaning up, huh?" Remo prompted.

Chiun's frown soured even more. "That lazy woman Faith," he spat. "She is ill-named. Her mother should have named her Faithless. A common shooting happens and she is afraid to come to work. I have fired her. I have fired them all."

"What happened?" Remo asked.

"She did not do as I instructed," Chiun explained. "Some bandit has appropriated the Bear-Man merchandising. Faith neglected to secure the proper copyrights or some such white nonsense, and now others are copying what should be only mine to copy."

"Great," Remo said. "I'm off the hook for personal appearances. The Bear-Man suit's out in the hall. It's yours. I never want to see it again."

"And you will not," Chiun snapped. "I have lost billions. Billions."

Chiun looked about him with the air of a Napoleon bidding farewell to Paris before going into exile.

"Good-bye, Nostrum," he said. "I will miss you."

"But I won't," Remo said.

"We will leave now. Let the new owners clean up this place." Chiun went to a file cabinet and began pulling out plastic bags.

"Come, Remo," he said. "Help me carry these away."

Remo accepted an armful of the bags. They were very heavy and bore store logos such as HMV and Strawberries.

"What's all this?" Remo asked, looking into the top bag. He saw only stacks of clear flat plastic boxes.

"My CDs," Chiun said proudly as he emptied the cabinet. "You see, I have not been completely cheated. On the advice of Smith, I have invested all my Nostrum salary in CD's."

Remo shifted the package to one arm and pulled out a box.

The label read "NANA MOUSKOURI IN CONCERT." The box under it featured Barbra Streisand's face.

"Compact discs?" Remo said, blinking.

"Now that the stock market is healthy once more," Chiun said "I am going to redeem these for gold."

"Where?" Remo wanted to know, his face a study in sobriety.

Chiun closed the final drawer. "Smith said any bank will take them."

"I have an idea," Remo said as they walked through crunching glass to the elevators. "Why don't you get Smith to handle the transaction? He knows lots of bankers. He can probably get you the best rate."

"That is an excellent idea, Remo," Chiun said. "It is the least that man can do after the cunning way he has tricked me. Do you mind if we do this tonight? You know these Americans and their gambling manias. Today the markets are up. Tomorrow they may crash anew."

The elevator arrived, and they stepped aboard.

"Little Father," Remo said, grinning broadly, " I absolutely insist that we rush back to Folcroft and take advantage of Smith's investment acumen."