Erik Otto - Detonation

“Call him in,” Axel croaked again.

“Okay, Axel,” Nelly responded.

Axel was still in his infirmary bed, barely able to move. He watched Ryan Junior on the monitors. Ryan Junior was sitting in his messy room, reading a picture book Nelly had printed for him. At least the tantrums had stopped. At least he was eating. He was still far from compliant, however. Sometimes he would mope, sometimes whine, but mostly he would do nothing.

The only exception to Ryan Junior’s confinement was when Axel had called him in to the infirmary. Axel wanted to spend at least some time with the boy, to impart something meaningful to him. He owed his father that much. The boy should have some human contact before he was gone.

And however difficult he was, Ryan Junior was important. Sure, Nelly said other people were alive out there, but they didn’t have the sanctuary, they didn’t have Nelly. If somehow Nelly defeated Gail, it was possible the rebirth of humanity could be up to… Ryan Junior. Axel shuddered at the thought.

“I have summoned Ryan Junior,” Nelly said. “He will arrive in a few minutes.”

“Thanks,” Axel managed to respond.

Axel was feeling faint but still relatively clear-headed. The pains and nausea seemed to have lessened, or were so masked by the drugs that he couldn’t feel them. Breathing was getting more difficult. It was like a chore but not laborious—like a meticulous task that was its own reward.

“I know you will do a good job, Nelly,” Axel said. “I know you will raise Ryan Junior well.”

“I will do my best,” Nelly responded.

“I want him to know everything that happened here. Teach him history. Try to make sure we don’t repeat the mistakes of the past. Teach him what has made us good. I don’t know… Gandhi… maybe… the founding fathers. I have always thought the birth of America was inspirational because it was so hard-fought, because it ultimately ended up giving us something decent and good, if not perfect.”

“I will do my best,” Nelly responded again.

Axel tried to think of what he would say to Ryan Junior. He’d told him his dad was probably dead and that the world had succumbed to a terrible war. But Ryan Junior didn’t understand. Realistically, no nine year-old child could come to grips with that, especially one as self-absorbed as Ryan Junior.

Axel felt it was his duty to teach the boy at least some form of discipline. This new world would be a harsh place. So Axel gave him some tasks and wouldn’t accept no for an answer. The most recent was to learn the ritual. In order to leave his room, Ryan Junior needed to memorize it.

It maybe wasn’t the best lesson, but it was what Axel knew and understood. Or maybe it was all he could conjure up from what remained of his flickering faculties. All Ryan Junior had to do was memorize a few lines. He had to keep trying until he got it right. Hopefully, eventually, he would also understand why the words were important.

But every time Axel tried to teach the ritual to this ungrateful boy he felt slimy. He felt like he was betraying his family and his ancestors. When Ryan Junior whined, when he refused to try, when he said the names of people he didn’t know, teaching it felt wrong. More than that, teaching the boy reminded Axel that he hadn’t kept his promise.

“ … In turn these words I will retain, to teach my kin the names again .” Hardly. These people worked hard for generations just so he could live and procreate and shepherd his kin into a prosperous future. Clearly, Axel had failed them all.

Ryan Junior entered the room, fidgeting, his bottom lip curled up. Axel could tell he was bracing for a confrontation.

“Have you practiced the ritual, Ryan?” Axel croaked.

Ryan Junior ignored the question. Instead he whined, “When can we go find my daddy? He’s not dead. I know it.”

Axel breathed in and out judiciously.

Ryan Junior continued, venting his pent-up frustrations. “All we do here is eat bad food and read! I want to go play!”

Axel breathed in and out again.

“Say something! You’re not my friend. I want to see my—”

Axel spoke firmly but without anger, “Nelly is going to take care of you, Ryan. I have to go now.”

Ryan Junior’s eyes went wide. For once, he was humbled into silence.

“Listen to me closely, Ryan,” Axel said, taking another labored breath. “Because there may not be any other words you hear from another human being for a long, long time.”

Ryan Junior was still attentive. By now, at least, Ryan Junior had learned that Axel didn’t mince words. And these were not whimsical words he was speaking.

“I want you to call yourself by your middle name, Morgan, from now on. Leave Ryan Junior behind, because you need to start again. You need to redefine who you are and who you want to be. You aren’t dishonoring your father by doing this. He would be proud to see you be your own man, to show your own identity.”

Axel took another long breath. His vision was blotchy at times, especially before a long breath. “Ryan, you have shown me you are persistent. I know you have patience. These are important attributes. But what you need more than anything is humility. That’s what too many of us were missing. That’s why we became so obsessed with innovation—that’s why we became so reckless.”

Ryan Junior frowned in confusion, but his eyes were still wide, blinking, taking in every word. He wouldn’t understand all this now, but hopefully someday he would.

“Listen to Nelly,” Axel coughed. It was a weak, wispy thing his coughing. He continued on. “He will help you grow and thrive. I know you don’t think I’m your friend, but he is definitely your friend. And for a long time, he will be your only friend.”

Axel took another long, labored breath.

“Ryan, you… you…” Axel was feeling a wave of exhaustion take hold again.

The drugs only lasted so long.

“You have to be better than us,” Axel forced the words out. “Don’t let your vanity lead to another catastrophe, to another… detonation. You will need to work with the people on the outside, not against them.”

Axel’s eyes closed on him. This time he couldn’t re-open them, no matter how much will he applied to the task.

“Mr. Kelemen. Wait. Please don’t go,” Ryan Junior said.

But Axel couldn’t overcome the oppressive fatigue. He felt distant, removed—unable to operate the simplest of bodily functions. He could hear Nelly speak to Ryan Junior, “I’m sorry Ryan Junior. Axel isn’t feeling well. I will call you back in when he wakes.”

Axel did wake again, but his body was no longer his own. He could blink his eyes but that was all. Everything seemed blurry, distant, and slow. He was too weak to talk, too weak to move. It felt like some invisible force was making him breathe, some foreign muscle was making his heart beat at an insipid pace.

He floated in and out of consciousness. The light of the room grew soft.

At one point, he could have sworn he saw children playing in the recreation area. They were building a sandcastle by the stream, or was it the ocean? They were playing tag. Erin rolled her eyes at Axel, not quite the right way. Zachary fired a witty remark laced with sarcasm, to which Axel responded with a smirk.

Axel’s smirk slowly faded, and a tear promenaded down his cheek.

Then Axel saw the empty recreation area on the monitor. It was a dream. He was having trouble distinguishing real from imaginary. The only real thing was the tear on his cheek.

Once Ryan Junior came in and spoke with him, or so he thought. He brought a scratched up, folded piece of paper Axel had once given him. He tried to recite some words without looking at the paper. It sounded familiar, but some of the words were missing, and much of it was out of order. But Ryan Junior’s brow was deeply furrowed in concentration. He was trying hard. Despite the botched recitation, this alone made Axel happy. Axel’s regret at teaching him the ritual evaporated when he saw his look of concentration, when he saw his concerted effort.