Will McIntosh - Love Minus Eighty

All night, Veronika saw the man leap off the bridge. She’d doze from time to time, and wake feeling sure the whole incident had been something she’d seen on TV, or in an interactive, and then with a jolt she’d realized that no, it had actually happened. Then when that jolt had just about played itself out, she remembered she was going to see Sander and Jilly in the morning, and a fresh jolt of adrenaline would hit her. When she dragged herself out of bed at six, she was exhausted.

There was no way she could see her sister. She needed to be at her best for that encounter, otherwise she’d be a twitching, nervous mess. As she showered and dressed, she went back and forth, came close to telling Nathan to stay home half a dozen times, finally decided she would let him show up, then suggest they get doughnuts instead.

All of her anxiety evaporated when the door opened and Nathan let himself in. He was perfect. His haircut probably cost more than Jilly’s car, the points on his boots were a foot long and rapier-sharp, and his eyes were auburn to match his silk cravat. He’d opted for a full system, wrists to shoulders to breastbone, like he was prepared for battle.

A glow of triumph washed over Veronika, erasing much of the awfulness of the previous day, returning her thoughts to an older, long-festering trauma. The prodigal daughter returns. Jilly would feel like so much river scum when Veronika made her entrance.

“Remember, you have to act like my boyfriend. Like you’re madly in love with me.”

Nathan shrugged. “No problem. You can’t be a good dating coach if you’re not a good actor.”

That stung a little, but Veronika didn’t let it show. “Give me a minute.” She hurried off to put on her outfit—a six-piece ensemble constructed of bright primary colors to fit the mood of a child’s birthday party.

When she paused in the doorway, Nathan clutched his heart. “My God, you’re ravishing!” There was a playfulness to his tone, but still, he looked at her toe to head, the way you look at a woman rather than a buddy.

“Ready?” He offered Veronika his arm. The door adjusted to allow them to leave side by side. Nathan’s biceps felt like marble under her fingers.

“How are you feeling, about the jumper?” Nathan asked as his vehicle hit the ramp to Low Town. He grasped the control stick.

“A little better, I guess. I mean, at least I tried to stop him. Fifty people in screens just watched.”

“Absolutely. That’s what I was trying to tell you last night. It’s a shame the man died, but you should feel proud.”

“I was also thinking that it’s possible I did save someone. I spent over sixty hours up there, and there was only one suicide attempt during that time. Last year there were seven in that same period, so either it’s a fluke, or my presence discouraged approximately six people from jumping to their deaths.”

“Or they came back when you weren’t there and jumped anyway.” Nathan laughed.

Veronika raised a finger. “In which case we should see a surge in the prevalence of suicides during the hours I’m not there, as compared to previous years. And you know what?” She reached over and flicked his earlobe. “We don’t.”

“Ow.” Nathan clapped his palm over his earlobe. “That was uncalled for.” He reached out, tried to twist her nipple, but she was ready for it and parried, both of them giggling. “You know, it would have been easier for me to be madly in love with you for this party if my ear wasn’t throbbing.”

“I’m sorry.” Veronika made a show of examining his ear for bruises or bleeding.

Veronika looked out at the crowded streets of Low Town, the mélange of pedestrians, bicycles, Scamps, minis, cars, buses, tubes winding through mottled patches of sunlight mixed with dim stretches. It was hard for her to believe she’d spent most of her life here.

“Have you thought about what you’re going to say to your sister when you see her?”

The question set Veronika’s heart pounding. She’d thought of a thousand things she might say to Jilly, none of them quite right. “I think I’m going to go with, ‘Hello.’”

“That’s good.” Nathan nodded. “Pithy, to the point.”

“I think so.”

He slowed. “There’s a spot.”

“Now, don’t open your door. People could be watching,” Nathan said as the vehicle slid into the tight space horizontally. He got out and went around to her door.

The party was on the roof; Veronika thought she heard the screeches of kids having fun through the traffic noise, but wasn’t sure.

She was breathless from nerves by the time they stepped into the elevator. It was almost inconceivable that she was about to see Jilly, her parents. Sander. They seemed like part of some other lifetime.

“Relax, it’s going to go fine. I promise.” Nathan’s voice helped calm her, reminded her that she wasn’t going into this alone.

“Thank you for doing this.”

“De nada.”

The elevator opened onto the roof. Heads turned, most of them people she didn’t know, many hovering near young kids or holding babies. Nathan’s hand slid around her waist, his fingertips pressed to her hip bone. He guided her forward, out of the elevator, toward a table stacked with presents. Veronika added hers to the stack. She’d obsessed over how to sign the ID tag, finally settling on her first name, sans Love , or From , or Aunt .

For a moment she didn’t recognize the woman heading toward her, hands clasped in front of her, wearing a sundress that looked like it had spent the winter crushed at the bottom of a drawer. It was Jilly, smiling nervously, circling Veronika as if waiting for permission to come closer. “I’m so glad you came.”

Veronika didn’t want to say she was glad she’d come, because she wasn’t sure about that yet. “It’s good to see you” also seemed like a stretch. Her damned heart was racing, making it hard to think. “Hi, Jilly,” she managed through dry lips.

“God, you look beautiful. I can’t believe it’s you.” Jilly finally stepped forward, misty-eyed. She looked so much older than Veronika remembered. She turned, called, “ Mom? ”

Her mother looked the same—squat, bow-legged, her eyebrows pursed in a perpetual V of concern. While Mom approached, Veronika spotted Sander, watching from a distance, clutching a toddler as if he was prepared to use the kid as a shield if it became necessary. He also looked older. Or maybe not older so much as exhausted.

Nathan released Veronika long enough to introduce himself to Jilly and kiss her cheek, then he came right back, pressed his hip against Veronika’s, his hand on her back.

Like Jilly, Mom stopped at a safe distance. “Hello, Mom,” Veronika said, nodding tightly.

Mom nodded back, just as tightly. “How are you?”

Nathan surged forward, hand outstretched. He grasped her mom’s hand in both of his, said something Veronika couldn’t hear, causing Mom’s face to uncloud. Then he turned to Veronika. “Sweetie? Should we go see the birthday boy?”

“Sure.”

Nathan took her hand, then leaned in toward her and kissed her. It was a warm, wet kiss so unexpected she started to recoil before catching herself and recovering her composure.

She was floating as they walked, hand in hand, toward Sander and little what’s-his-name. Other guests watched as they crossed the roof.

“Now, this isn’t so bad, is it?” Nathan said under his breath.

“This is fucking awesome.”

Veronika gave Sander a one-armed hug, then knelt to say hello to the birthday boy, who had jets of yellow snot protruding from both nostrils, as Nathan shook Sander’s hand, introducing himself as Veronika’s boyfriend. She patted the boy’s enormous, apple-shaped head as he stared at her, openmouthed. “Hi there.” She looked up at Sander. “Can he talk yet?”