Toby Neal: Blood Orchids

“Charlie, he my cousin.” Healani nodded as Lei’s eyes widened. “Fucking pedophile deserves to be in Lompoc and I hope he stays there a long time, but he still family. He always had it in for Wayne from going against him on the street, and he tol’ us back in the day what he did to you and Maylene-getting her more hooked by the day until he broke her. From prison he gave Anela information she wen’ pass on to Ray.” Her flat eyes reminded Lei of a moray eel as she shrugged. “They thought they’d impress me with that? I play the game, but I play straight up. So I telling you I had no part in going after you, nor any of my children.”

Lei struggled to assimilate this. Apparently Charlie’d got her mother deep into her addiction on purpose, and raping Lei had been a nice perk along the way. Her vision dimmed, but she dug her nails fiercely into her palm to anchor herself.

She’d deal with Kwon someday. It was a promise.

“So it’s over.”

“It was over when you shot Ray. Stupid bastard.” The way the older woman said the word Lei knew she meant its literal meaning.

“All right, Mrs. Chang.” She couldn’t bring herself to call the older woman ‘auntie’ as would be customary. “Goodbye then.”

Healani didn’t answer, just looking at her with that basilisk stare as Lei walked toward the truck.

Her scalp prickled, a feeling like a thousand fire ants crawling over it. She always knew when someone had a gun on her, and as she glanced up into the doorway she could see Do-Rag waving a massive silver. 357 Magnum at her. Talk about overcompensating. She walked away and got in the truck, pulling away sedately, ignoring the tingling at the back of her head.

She gunned the engine when she reached the end of the block and thumbed open her phone to call Nagata with the details. She’d taken a risk and for once it’d paid off.

Everything was in its place: the paintings, the Japanese sand garden, the doctor in her lounger. This felt good to Lei and she breathed a little easier as she sat back on the couch in Dr. Wilson’s office.

“Are you okay?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Where do you want to begin?”

“I don’t know.”

They sat in silence for a while. Lei took the black stone from Mary’s memorial out of her pocket and rubbed it in both hands. It felt substantial enough to anchor her, a tiny black bit of the earth’s blood that would always remind her of her lost friend.

“Okay then. Why don’t you begin at the beginning. Tell me about child Lei.”

“Why? What’s that got to do with trauma debriefing, which is what I’m here for?” The old defensiveness raised its voice. Lei wished it would shut up.

“Everything has to do with everything else-you know that by now. So begin at the beginning, and it will lead to the end.”

So Lei told about losing her father to a drug bust. About how that loss led her mother Maylene further into addiction, how Charlie Kwon came into their lives. What Charlie did and how he’d made her Damaged Goods.

Now she remembered everything, and couldn’t dissociate anymore, even when she wanted to. In the midst of all that, she had been stalked by a rapist and murderer. A man who saw himself as an artist. A man who had betrayed all their trust, whom she’d killed with her bare hands.

She described how she’d been with and broken up with Stevens. She told about an illegitimate son named Ray who desperately wanted to prove himself worthy of inclusion in a powerful crime family. Ray recruited his half sister Anela into a revenge plot against their father’s killer and his daughter.

Anela sent the panties and hair, and gleaned information about Lei’s sexual abuse from Kwon in prison. Ray had masterminded the stalking campaign, and when that wasn’t enough to impress Healani, he’d tried to kill Lei.

“I’m still missing some pieces. Where do the chases with the black truck come in?” Dr. Wilson asked. Lei dragged the tiny rake through the sand garden on the low table and set her stone in it, making a scene of simple beauty.

“I think the first time it was Ito. He was scoping out Mary or me, had taken his crime vehicle out to do that. The second time it was Ray.”

“Too many dark Toyotas in this town,” Dr. Wilson said. “Wow.”

“Wow is right.” Lei looked down at her hands. The right one was still in a cast, the webbing across her palm peeling and grubby, the left relatively unharmed. Her good hand-one of the only parts of her body that wasn’t bruised, scratched, bitten, or broken.

“They’re calling me Hurricane Lei in the station,” she said. “Funny nickname.”

“I heard.”

“It seems to fit.”

“It may not, anymore. That part is up to you now.”

“I just want to… get back to normal. I feel like I am always going to be covered with blood.” Lei shut her mouth, tightening her lips into a thin line. She saw Ito’s ruined eye, Mary’s bruises, or the faces of two drowned girls every time she closed her eyes. She pinched the web of her hand between her thumb and forefinger but it didn’t help.

“You’ve had more than your share, that’s for sure. Everyone is accounted for who needs to be, right?”

“I guess. Ross and Nagata interviewed Healani Chang. She’s claiming that Ray and Anela acted on their own. I think we just have to accept that though I wouldn’t be surprised if Healani instigated the whole thing.” She fiddled with the cast. “I’d love to find Charlie Kwon someday and kick his ass, but yeah, I guess things are pretty sewed up… I just can’t relax. I can’t take enough showers to feel clean.”

“That’s an understandable post-traumatic stress reaction. Be patient with yourself. Let’s talk every day until the flashbacks get better. It also might help to have your partner or Stevens stay with you for a little while.”

“Stevens-I don’t know what I’m going to do about him. I broke up with him and I don’t know why I don’t feel better about that.”

“Ambivalence maybe?”

“I guess.”

“Huh.”

“I don’t like the sound of that,” Lei said with a little smile. “It’s not a good sign when you say ‘huh.’”

“Really? Well, I go back to my original thought-sounds like you’re ambivalent about breaking up. Why did you?”

“Oh, damn.” Lei looked at the time on her cell phone. “Looks like our time is up, Dr. Wilson. Catch you tomorrow.” She got up and left with a little wave, pretending not to see the psychologist’s ironic smile.

Lei pulled into her driveway and got out of her truck, walking around to the passenger side. She opened the extended cab door.

Keiki lifted her head. She was lying in the back passenger seat, the white funnel collar still in place, her side bulky with strapping. Lei lifted the big dog and struggled toward the front porch.

Just then Tom ran up, sweaty in his running clothes.

“Oh my God, let me help!” he exclaimed.

“Be careful,” Lei cautioned, and Tom scooped Keiki into his arms. He carried her up the cement steps onto the porch, peering awkwardly over the big collar. Lei fumbled the key into the lock and they went inside.

“Holy crap, she’s big.” Tom panted as Lei punched in the deactivation code.

He carried Keiki into the living room and then knelt, lowering the Rottweiler onto the bed Lei had prepared for her, the futon covered with Keiki’s favorite ratty old blanket. Lei settled the dog, patting and stroking her. Keiki tried to rise again and Lei pushed her back.

“Just rest, baby. Everything’s going to be okay,” she soothed.

“I’m sorry about the other day,” Tom said in a low voice. “I was an ass.”

He was still kneeling beside Lei as he patted Keiki’s shining back. Lei had to grope to remember what he could be talking about. Ah, the confrontation in his kitchen.