Jill Churchill: Grime and Punishment

“What was that you were trying to tell the divine detective about my bowl?" Suzie asked.

“Again, she got carried away with her alibi. She said you had just left when she came over, but your bowl was on top of hers. She probably didn't know which thing you brought. But if she'd moved yours with one hand, she'd have had to stick her thumb through the plastic wrap.”

Suzie made a few experimental motions with her hands, trying to get the feel of what Jane was saying, then nodded her comprehension.

“And then there was the dishwasher," Jane said.

“What dishwasher?" Suzie asked.

“The killer had apparently turned on the dishwasher to make it appear the cleaning lady had been killed only moments before Shelley got home. An alibi of sorts, to make it look like the people who brought their food early were in the clear. Of course, with her dish at the bottom of the stack, Mary Ellen looked like she'd come very early, and she said she did."

“But that could have been anyone."

“No, only someone who knew how to work the timer gadget. You don't have one of those, I don't, and Shelley doesn't even know how to work hers. But when I went to Mary Ellen's that morning, I noticed that she had the same kind. Well, I don't mean I noticed then, but I remembered later noticing what a complicated-looking control panel it had."

“She took an awful chance—" Suzie said.

“There must have been an awful need. Imagine planning something like that. She must have started thinking about it when Shelley told all of us she was going to be gone, but Edith would be here."

“But if anyone had seen her carrying the potato salad in both hands, it would have wrecked an alibi she'd gone to a lot of trouble to set up," Suzie said.

“And the chances were good that somebody would. She took a big risk. You know howsnoopy everybody in this neighborhood is," Jane said.

“Do I ever!" Suzie said. "There are women around here who come right into your house and ask if you're being blackmailed.”

Shelley got up and went to the kitchen. "The coffee's ready. Who wants some? Jane, I could give it to you in a big cup and maybe you could drown yourself."

“I'd like some, thanks, ma'am," the man in the Happy Helper uniform said. He'd managed to straighten out his bosom.

“I still don't see how she knew about your snooping," Shelley said.

“My snooping? You were in on it, as I recall," Jane said. She explained to Suzie, who was unaccountably blushing. "She stabbed a note, warning me to mind my own business, in my bed. Why are you that color, Suzie?"

“I guess I better confess. I told her. She called just after you left my house and I was still laughing my ass off about your clumsy attempts at detection. I guess we're even. You went looking for gossip and I kept busy spreading it. So, how did you and Shelley eliminate each other as suspects?"

“We never suspected each other for a minute," Jane declared.

“Come off it!"

“Never!" Jane insisted.

Shelley was smiling. "How did you know it wasn't me, Jane? I could have been lying about the airport and sneaked back across the field, like we did a while ago. You must have at least wondered, didn't you?”

Jane was afraid she might be blushing too. Shelley was expressing a thought that had crossed her mind. "Well, only occasionally. But in the end, I knew you wouldn't risk messing your house up. If you were going to kill somebody, you'd do it where you wouldn't have to clean up afterwards.”

Shelley laughed. "And I knew it wasn't you because you couldn't sneak up on somebody without talking."

“So how did you find out what she was being blackmailed about?" Suzie asked.

“I didn't," Jane answered. She was smiling now too, relieved in a funny way that Shelley had briefly suspected her. It made her feel less guilty about thinking she or Suzie might have been a killer. "I didn't even think of trying to find out if Mary Ellen was being blackmailed. The broken-arm business had me so fooled I didn't even consider her. Besides, I'd already found out more than I wanted to about — about some other things. Isn't it strange? I thought we had to know what the blackmail was about, when all we needed to know was right in Shelley's refrigerator. Still, I wonder…"

“Edith was telling the truth about a jailbreak," a voice behind Jane said. VanDyne had come into the room on that silent tread. He came around and sat down next to Jane. She'd have been flattered except that it was the only seat available. "We've run her through the computer. She'd been a bank teller in California, and spent two years in jail for embezzling. She was sentenced to three, but let herself out early. Yourcleaning lady was the only thing between her and going back to jail."

“So what was the catalyst?" Jane asked.

“I thought you were the one with all the answers," he said. His tone was light, with only the tiniest glimmer of sarcasm coming through.

Jane gave him a level look for a long moment, then said, "I don't know for sure. Maybe it was simply the first opportunity she had that would leave her in the clear. She couldn't very well kill the woman in her own house and not have her past looked into. But killing her here, on a day when half the neighborhood was due to pass through, was perfect. I just wish I'd caught on sooner about the scrapbook."

“A stupid thing to do, but human just the same," VanDyne mused. "It was her fifteen minutes of fame."

“Still, I wish I'd realized it then. I wouldn't have been forced to crawl through that field and risk my life—!"

“If I recall correctly, I told you that you were not to come back here under any circumstances," VanDyne said.

“Yes, but if I hadn't, you'd have arrested the wrong person and wouldn't have caught Mary Ellen at all."

“If it weren't for your butting in, we wouldn't have been conducting this comedy of errors at all. And sure, we'd have gotten her. It was just a matter of time before the computer would have spit out the information about her in the normal course of the investigation—"

“But you wouldn't have caught her in the act of trying it again! That was all our idea—"

“I'll say! And if you ask me—"

“I've got to get back to work," Suzie said, cutting the squabble short. "You'll confirm to my boss why I took so long, won't you?" she asked VanDyne, batting her eyes so effectively that VanDyne dropped his dispute with Jane and gave her his full attention.

Suzie had been gone only a minute when there was a knock on the door, and Shelley let in a man in a police uniform. He had a bundle of clothing for Edith's double and a big, aromatic paper bag with a grease stain on the bottom. "Here's your lunch," he said to Mel VanDyne.

“That's Chinese carryout!" Jane said.

“Right you are. My reward," VanDyne said, starting to take little cartons out of the bag. "You want some?”

Jane was famished, but Suzie's mention of the time had reminded her of her own responsibilities. "Thanks, but I've got to go pick the kids up from school.”

Shelley went to the door with her. "You'll come right back, won't you?”

Jane looked over Shelley's shoulder into the living room. Mel VanDyne smiled his dimpled smile and waved at her with a pair of chopsticks.

“I might be a little while. I think I'll stop and buy a wok and Chinese cookbook. Time I expanded a few of my horizons, don't you think?”